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"Well, I always had a chauffer, because I have never driven a car in my life. I still can't drive."
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"I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I hate fishing, and I can't imagine why anyone would want to hike when you can get in the car and drive."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I sing in the car if I'm in LA, because you're like soundproofed."
Author Name
Personal Development
"One morning, about four o'clock, I was driving my car just about as fast as I could. I thought, Why am I out this time of night? I was miserable, and it came to me: I'm falling in love with somebody I have no right to fall in love with."
Author Name
Personal Development
"My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I will never have a drink and get behind the wheel of a car. It's not illegal to drink and drive, but there becomes a certain point where it does become a crime."
Author Name
Personal Development
"If you are a writer you locate yourself behind a wall of silence and no matter what you are doing, driving a car or walking or doing housework you can still be writing, because you have that space."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Every little kid has always wanted to be a race car driver. This gets some of that out."
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"They liked me so long as the liquor flowed at my house, but I haven't seen any of them around lately."
Liquor
"It gets so boring at home. After all, how many reruns of Abbott and Costello movies can a guy watch on television?"
Movies
"That's why so many stars are making pictures in Europe today. The tax guys are making thieves out of everybody."
Europe
"Well, I always had a chauffer, because I have never driven a car in my life. I still can't drive."
Car
"Sitting at home the way I do, I'd just love the hear from people. It'd be a great help in passing the time."
Home
"You never heard of a comedy team that didn't fight, did you?"
Comedy
"They disallowed this and disallowed that, and now I can't even get my head above water!"
Now
"Now, on the St. Louis team we have Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third."
First
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