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"Well, I always had a chauffer, because I have never driven a car in my life. I still can't drive."
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"Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear."
"Auto racing is boring except when a car is going at least 172 miles per hour upside down."
"I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys."
"I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving."
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"My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car."
"The New Dealers have all left Washington to make way for the car dealers."
"America... just a nation of two hundred million used car salesmen with all the money we need to buy guns and no qualms about killing anybody else in the world who tries to make us uncomfortable."
"Campaign behavior for wives: Always be on time. Do as little talking as humanly possible. Lean back in the parade car so everybody can see the president."
Explore more quotes by Bud Abbott
"Sitting at home the way I do, I'd just love the hear from people. It'd be a great help in passing the time."
"That's why so many stars are making pictures in Europe today. The tax guys are making thieves out of everybody."
"It gets so boring at home. After all, how many reruns of Abbott and Costello movies can a guy watch on television?"
"They liked me so long as the liquor flowed at my house, but I haven't seen any of them around lately."
"Now, on the St. Louis team we have Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third."
"Well, I always had a chauffer, because I have never driven a car in my life. I still can't drive."
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