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"Vegetarian - that's an old Indian word meaning lousy hunter."
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"The true meaning of your life doesn't lie in your experiences, but in your frequent positive interpretations of your past and present."

"For existential mathematics, which does not exist, would probably propose this equation: the value of coincidence equals the degree of its improbability."

"But there are certain meanings that are lost forever the moment they are explained in words."
Explore more quotes by Andy Rooney

"Taxes are important. President Bush's tax proposals leave no rich person behind. Voters approve of President Bush helping the kind of people they wish they were one of."

"I don't think the government is out to get me or help someone else get me but it wouldn't surprise me if they were out to sell me something or help someone else sell me something. I mean, why else would the Census Bureau want to know my telephone number?"

"Computers may save time but they sure waste a lot of paper. About 98 percent of everything printed out by a computer is garbage that no one ever reads."

"Figure skating is an unlikely Olympic event but its good television. It's sort of a combination of gymnastics and ballet. A little sexy too which doesn't hurt."

"The Super Bowl isn't for kids, I had a great time though and it was worth every nickel of it because by doing this lame piece about the game I can put it on my expense account."
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