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"Woman: the peg on which the wit hangs his jest, the preacher his text, the cynic his grouch and the sinner his justification."
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"The real satire starts when I'm shockingly mocked,not mockingly shocked."
"Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not; a sense of humor to console him for what he is."
"CHARTERIS [unfolding his arms in terror] No, please. Dont. As a philosopher, it's my business to tell other people the truth; but it's not their business to tell it to me. I dont like it: it hurts."
"How was I supposed to know 'lucked out' means 'I got screwed over' in Australian?"
"I believe the phrase you're looking for is 'too much money and not enough things to spend it on."
"Where did you find that one?''I have no idea. I'm a magnet for crazies, I guess.''They must be able to sense a kindred spirit.''Your one to talk. Don't you have more hordes of the undead to lead in a glorious revolution?''Zombies not undead. There's a fine distinction. And no. Right now I'm scouting new talent. The glorious revolution comes tomorrow."
"I realized women and humor were linked very closely."
Explore more quotes by Helen Rowland
"Nowadays love is a matter of chance, matrimony a matter of money and divorce a matter of course."
"Marriage is like twirling a baton, turning hand springs or eating with chopsticks. It looks easy until you try it."
"Some women can be fooled all of the time, and all women can be fooled some of the time, but the same woman can't be fooled by the same man in the same way more than half of the time."
"The follies which a man regrets the most in his life are those which he didn't commit when he had the opportunity."
"Why does a man take it for granted that a girl who flirts with him wants him to kiss her - when, nine times out of ten, she only wants him to want to kiss her?"
"Ever since Eve started it all by offering Adam the apple, woman's punishment has been to supply a man with food then suffer the consequences when it disagrees with him."
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