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"All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me."
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"If I studied all my life, I couldn't think up half the number of funny things passed in one session of congress."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else."
Author Name
Personal Development
"We sat down and told stories that happened to us in our childhood, to our children. They were all basically based on the truth. These stories were funny and poignant to us. They just took off. These are all stories from my life."
Author Name
Personal Development
"The funny thing about commercials to me is that many of them now don't even mention the product until the very end. You don't really know what the commercial is all about. They're kind of like little movies, like shorts, and that's why I think they're so entertaining."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I would call it a comedy variety show. We have some people just doing straight standup. We usually try to have one musical act of sort. So its just people being funny in different ways, not just sketch, not just standup, not just characters, all of those things."
Author Name
Personal Development
"The guys on the stunt team are really fantastic. It's really funny, because for all the aggression they have to display on screen, they're actually really happy, good- natured people."
Author Name
Personal Development
"The thing that's funny is that everyone thinks I'm dead."
Author Name
Personal Development
"It's a required part of your film history to know who Woody is. His movies are so wonderful, and not just funny but so insightful about human behavior."
Author Name
Personal Development
"It's funny how it usually works out that I end up dying. It sort of works out, because by the time I die, I'm usually tired of working on that particular movie, so I look forward to it."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Only man has dignity; only man, therefore, can be funny."
Author Name
Personal Development
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"I like Kit-Kat, unless I'm with four or more people."
People
"I love blackjack. But I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi circle."
Love
"I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit."
Business
"My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them."
Plants
"I used to do drugs. I still do drugs. But I used to, too."
Drugs
"Bologna is a deli meat for people with eyes."
People
"It's very dangerous to wave to people you don't know because what if they don't have hands? They'll think you're cocky."
People
"Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!"
Children
"All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me."
Funny
"I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle."
Water
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