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"All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me."
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"I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later."
Dream
"Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8? That joke came off the top of my head, and the top of my head ain't funny!"
Wrong
"I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle."
Water
"I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down."
Cause
"Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!"
Children
"I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle."
Gambling
"The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall."
Tennis
"I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific."
Night
"I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality."
Work
"I bought a seven-dollar pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring."
Caring
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"Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I got a lot of support from my parents. That's the one thing I always appreciated. They didn't tell me I was being stupid; they told me I was being funny."
Author Name
Personal Development
"If I studied all my life, I couldn't think up half the number of funny things passed in one session of congress."
Author Name
Personal Development
"The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not 'Eureka!' but 'That's funny...'"
Author Name
Personal Development
"I'm known as a kind of dramatic, serious, almost humorless actor and the fact is, I'm a funny guy, and I spend most of my life trying to find a lighter side of things, and on stage was given plenty of opportunity to do that."
Author Name
Personal Development
"It's funny, my girlfriends think that because I am married to a fashion designer, I get all these great tips and hints about great fashion, but it's not like that at all. He never tells me what to wear."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I'm always more motivated by the pain of a funny character than by what makes him funny."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Comedy is ridiculously hard. And if the rhythm is not right, if the music or the line is not right, it's not funny."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Our characters were antiseptic but we weren't. And if you remember what we did on BATMAN, as the scripts were written very funny, we played them very straight."
Author Name
Personal Development
"It's funny, I had dinner with my dear friend John Spencer last night and I'm not in the first episode, but he's at the beginning of it and he was telling me about it and I thought this sounds very hot because I think this is definitely the last year of West Wing."
Author Name
Personal Development
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