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Dorothy Parker

"If all the girls attending [the Yale prom] were laid end to end, I wouldn't be at all surprised."

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"If all the girls attending [the Yale prom] were laid end to end, I wouldn't be at all surprised."

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Amber Hurdle

"If it weren't for the last minute nothing would get done."

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Amber Hurdle

"A tie is what you get after ice cubes have wrestled with hot water."

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Amber Hurdle

"Your party kicked so much ass!Even though you suck so much! It's like, instead of blood, your heart pumps liquid suck! But thanks for the beer!"

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Amber Hurdle

"Everyone has a sense of humor. If you don't laugh at jokes, you probably laugh at opinions."

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Amber Hurdle

"It's not that I really cheat at golf. I play for my health and a low score makes me feel better."

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Amber Hurdle

"The moment you have a self at all, there is a possibility of putting yourself first - wanting to be the centre - wanting to be God, in fact. That was the sin of Satan: and that was the sin he taught the human race. Some people think the fall of man had something to do with sex, but that is a mistake...what Satan put into the heads of our remote ancestors was the idea that they 'could be like Gods' - could set up on their own as if they had created themselves - be their own masters - invent some sort of happiness for themselves outside God, apart from God. And out of that hopeless attempt has come...the long terrible story of man trying to find something other than God which will make him happy."

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Amber Hurdle

"I used to think that size does not count, until I realized that most people either find other people's faeces more disgusting than a bird's droppings, or they do not find the latter disgusting at all."

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Amber Hurdle

"Playing Solitaire is a non-smoking employee's smoke break."

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Amber Hurdle

"Maybe humans are just the pet alligators that God flushed down the toilet."

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Amber Hurdle

"The real satire starts when I'm shockingly mocked,not mockingly shocked."

Explore more quotes by Dorothy Parker

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Dorothy Parker
"Tomorrow's gone-we'll have tonight!"
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Dorothy Parker
"Little WordsWhen you are gone, there is nor bloom nor leaf,Nor singing sea at night, nor silver birds;And I can only stare, and shape my griefIn little words.I cannot conjure loveliness, to drownThe bitter woe that racks my cords apart.The weary pen that sets my sorrow downFeeds at my heart.There is no mercy in the shifting year,No beauty wraps me tenderly about.I turn to little words- so you, my dear,Can spell them out."
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Dorothy Parker
"Scratch a lover and find a foe."
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Dorothy Parker
"She was pleased to have him come and never sorry to see him go."
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Dorothy Parker
"Wit has truth in it wisecracking is simply calisthenics with words."
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Dorothy Parker
"Eternity is a ham and two people (also given as 'Eternity is two people and a ham') is an old quip from the days when a ham was huge-far more than two people could finish. Irma Rombauer mentions this line in her famous cookbook, The Joy of Cooking."
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Dorothy Parker
"He and I had an office so tiny that an inch smaller and it would have been adultery."
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Dorothy Parker
"Money cannot buy health, but I'd settle for a diamond-studdedwheelchair."
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Dorothy Parker
"Why is it no one sent me yet one perfect limousine, do you suppose? Ah no, it's always just my luck to get one perfect rose."
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Dorothy Parker
"Be you wise and never sad,You will get your lovely lad.Never serious be, nor true,And your wish will come to you--And if that makes you happy, kid,You'll be the first it ever did."
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