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"Dick Cheney said he was running again. He said his health was fine, 'I've got a doctor with me 24 hours a day.' Yeah, that's always the sign of a man in good health, isn't it?"
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Explore more quotes by David Letterman
"Congratulations are in order for Woody Allen - he and Soon Yi have a brand new baby daughter. It's all part of Woody's plan to grow his own wives."
"We have defeated Saddam Hussein and Iraq. The good news is Iraq is ours, and the bad news is Iraq is ours."
"It's so warm now, and Thanksgiving came so early - is it just me, or does it not really feel like Ramadan?"
"Wherever we've travelled in this great land of ours, we've found that people everywhere are about 90% water."
"Experts say that Iraq may have nuclear weapons. That's bad news - they may have a nuclear bomb. Now the good news is that they have to drop it with a camel."
"People say New Yorkers can't get along. Not true. I saw two New Yorkers, complete strangers, sharing a cab. One guy took the tires and the radio; the other guy took the engine."
"It's official, Arnold said he will enter the race for governor. At least that's what everybody thinks he said."
"Iraq's elite Republican Guard is doing so badly they're changing their name to the Democratic Guard."
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