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"Dick Cheney said he was running again. He said his health was fine, 'I've got a doctor with me 24 hours a day.' Yeah, that's always the sign of a man in good health, isn't it?"
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"There is a wisdom in this beyond the rules of physic: a man's own observation what he finds good of and what he finds hurt of is the best physic to preserve health."
"This fits in with what I saw in staff in astronomical facilities and was reporting to the management team: 10-14% Oxygen: Emotional upset, abnormal fatigue, disturbed respiration."
"It is proven that the glass in your environment may be able to affect your health."
"The keys to health and weight-loss: stress reduction, sleep, deep breathing, clean water, complete nutrition, sunshine, walking, stretching, meditation, love, community, laughter, dreams, perseverance, purpose, humility, action."
"Radio Wave Sickness and Electromagnetic Hypersensitivity are easily preventable and one can only wonder how much longer the insanity of modern governments is going to be allowed to continue in this area."
"AIDS would have claimed fewer lives if we had publicly recommended what I wish to call 'The Presumption of Sickness,' i.e., the principle that whomever we are about to sleep with is HIV-positive until proven HIV-negative."
"Sun is bad for you. Everything our parents said was good is bad. Sun, milk, red meat...college."
Explore more quotes by David Letterman
"President Bush has been silent on Schwarzenegger. Of course, he can't pronounce Schwarzenegger."
"It's official, Arnold said he will enter the race for governor. At least that's what everybody thinks he said."
"The big debate right now is if Saddam is alive or dead. He's dead, then he's alive, then dead, then alive. It's just confusing. Today they showed videotape, and Saddam was speaking at his own funeral."
"Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall from the trees."
"Iraq's elite Republican Guard is doing so badly they're changing their name to the Democratic Guard."
"No one knows if Saddam is still alive. They keep showing old footage of him on TV saying that it's live. You know, it's like the same thing we do with Dick Cheney."
"USA Today has come out with a new survey - apparently, three out of every four people make up 75% of the population."
"President Bush has said that he does not need approval from the UN to wage war, and I'm thinking, well, hell, he didn't need the approval of the American voters to become president, either."
"I know these jokes aren't great, ladies and gentlemen, see this is the problem you run into when you're between impeachments."
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