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"I'd like to THANK whoever saw a bunch of cherries and thought....HEY!! If I dry out a bunch of those berry seeds, call them "BEANS, smash them and add hot water, it will be AWESOME!"
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"Where did you find that one?''I have no idea. I'm a magnet for crazies, I guess.''They must be able to sense a kindred spirit.''Your one to talk. Don't you have more hordes of the undead to lead in a glorious revolution?''Zombies not undead. There's a fine distinction. And no. Right now I'm scouting new talent. The glorious revolution comes tomorrow."
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Personal Development
"I should curl up in a ball and cry. Instead i think about everything in the whole entire world that makes me angry - There is a lot, oh, there is a lot - and I start singing Justin Bieber at the top of my lungs."
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Personal Development
"Don't panic. Are you sitting? You probably don't need to sit. Well, possibly. At least lean on something."
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Personal Development
"You can't go around... licking things that come out of a water treatment plant. That's just... unsanitary."
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Personal Development
"Ma'am,' Augustus said, nodding toward her, 'your daughter's car has just been deservedly egged by a blind man. Please close the door and go back inside or we'll be forced to call the police.' After wavering for a moment, Monica's mom closed the door and disappeared."
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Personal Development
"Be calm when your wife yells at you, calmer when she chastens you, but be terrified when she ignores you."
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Personal Development
"Was it animal pee or human pee? Someone asked.How would I know? What, am I an expert in the study of pee?"
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Personal Development
"You are so lucky I'm too tired to murder you right now."
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Personal Development
"Did you talk to him about it?""Oh, sure. Nothing happened, yadda yadda. The usual. But my maydar went off like crazy.""Maydar?""As in, he may be thinking about super hot sex with her. Like radar, only not as sure."
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Personal Development
"And, whoa!" He turned to Mr.D. "Your the wine dude? No way!"Mr.D turned hi eyes away from me and gave Nico a look of loathing. "The wine dude?""Dionysus, right? Oh, wow! I've got your figurine!""My figurine.""In my game, Mythomagic. And holofoil card, too! And even though you've only got like five hundred attack points and everybody thinks your the lamest god card, I totally think your powers are sweet!""Ah." Mr.D seemed truly perplexed, which probably saved my life. "Well, that's...gratifying."
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"If there ever comes a time that you forget where you came from, you've gone too far."
Life
"The things you should value most in this life are NOT things."
Life
"We are often so worried about what is going to happen that we can't enjoy what is happening NOW."
Life
"Too many of us spend too much time worrying about how long we are going to live rather than focusing on how we live. People cannot live forever, but memories can. Remember that with every breath and your life will change."
Life
"Two things define you in this life. Your attitude when you are at your highest and your attitude when you are at your lowest. Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom in order to recognize and define what truly matters."
Philosophy
"Hope for the best,brace yourself for the worst and no matter what you're faced with, make a plan to KEEP GOING!"
Motivation
"I don't need a personal trainer, I need someone to stalk me and threaten to kick my ass when I eat and drink stuff I'm not supposed to!"
Lifestyle
"Taking care of yourself, taking time for yourself & rewarding yourself is NOT selfish. It's important & absolutely necessary!"
Lifestyle
"If there is ONE THING that you do today, let it be this...Don't take life WAY too seriously."
Life
"Sweetie, you don't need to drive me to the brink of insanity... I'm close enough to walk!"
Humor
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