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"I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender."
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"Never be unfaithful to a lover, except with your wife."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago."
Author Name
Personal Development
"If you would have a good wife, marry one who has been a good daughter."
Author Name
Personal Development
"He knows little, who will tell his wife all he knows."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Now I need to take a piece of wood and make it sound like the railroad track, but I also had to make it beautiful and lovable so that a person playing it would think of it in terms of his mistress, a bartender, his wife, a good psychiatrist - whatever."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I think it all comes down to relationships - how I treat my wife, how I treat my kids, how I treat the guys at the grocery store, all aspects of every day, what I'm involved in."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge."
Author Name
Personal Development
"But when we have families, when we have children, this gives us a purpose for being, to protect our children, to avoid going to jail because if I'm in jail, who looks after my children, who's there for my wife?"
Author Name
Personal Development
"My wife thinks I'm completely mad."
Author Name
Personal Development
"We can't thank Dave enough. He could call me if my wife was about to have a baby and tell me he needed tonight for his show and I'd find some way to get her to let me head to New York."
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"When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them."
Parents
"I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest."
Luck
"My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive."
Car
"I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or going."
Drink
"My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock."
Gay
"Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'"
Ugly
"With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we'll never see each other!"
Sex
"My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was."
Wife
"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet."
Being
"My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair."
Dying
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