"My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it."

Wife, Day, Eye, Trying

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"My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it."

Exlpore more Wife quotes

"And I'm as attached to my wife as anybody can be to another human being."

Eric Roberts, American Actor

Wife, Being

"We can't thank Dave enough. He could call me if my wife was about to have a baby and tell me he needed tonight for his show and I'd find some way to get her to let me head to New York."

Darius Rucker, American Musician

Wife, Baby

"We had the boy's name picked out, but we didn't have a girl's. When he turned out to be a boy, we were so relieved. Literally, in the middle of contracting and pushing, and with my wife being drugged - out and half - lucid, we were still coming up with names."

Paul Reiser, American Comedian

Wife, Being, Contracting, Name

"I discovered my wife in bed with another man, and I was crushed. So I said, 'Get off me, you two!'"

Emo Philips, American Comedian

Wife, Bed, Man

"Sobriety was the greatest gift I ever gave myself. I don't put it on a platform. I don't campaign about it. It's just something that works for me. It enabled me to really connect with another human being - my wife, Sheryl - which I was never able to do before."

Rob Lowe, American Actor

Wife, Being

"I board with a poor Scotchman: his wife can talk scarce any English."

David Brainerd, American Clergyman

Wife, English, Poor, Talk

"I met my wife, Doreen, who was a dancer in the show."

Ernie Wise, English Comedian

Wife,

"I'm married, I have three children, I never hit my wife."

Ja Rule, American Musician

Wife, Children

"I don't have friends, I have thousands of acquaintances. No friends. I figured I had a wife and children."

Charles Bronson, American Actor

Wife, Children, Friends

"Caesar's wife should be above suspicion."

John Langhorne, English Poet

Wife, Suspicion

Explore more quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

"I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table."

Age

"I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or going."

Drink

"A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home."

Home

"My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light."

Wife

"One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control."

Control

"My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too."

Opinion

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Exlpore more Wife quotes

"And I'm as attached to my wife as anybody can be to another human being."

"We can't thank Dave enough. He could call me if my wife was about to have a baby and tell me he needed tonight for his show and I'd find some way to get her to let me head to New York."

"We had the boy's name picked out, but we didn't have a girl's. When he turned out to be a boy, we were so relieved. Literally, in the middle of contracting and pushing, and with my wife being drugged - out and half - lucid, we were still coming up with names."

"I discovered my wife in bed with another man, and I was crushed. So I said, 'Get off me, you two!'"

"Sobriety was the greatest gift I ever gave myself. I don't put it on a platform. I don't campaign about it. It's just something that works for me. It enabled me to really connect with another human being - my wife, Sheryl - which I was never able to do before."

"I board with a poor Scotchman: his wife can talk scarce any English."

"I met my wife, Doreen, who was a dancer in the show."

"I'm married, I have three children, I never hit my wife."

"I don't have friends, I have thousands of acquaintances. No friends. I figured I had a wife and children."

"Caesar's wife should be above suspicion."

Explore more quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

"I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table."

"I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or going."

"The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest."

"On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me."

"I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me."

"Life is just a bowl of pits."

"A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home."

"My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light."

"One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control."

"My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too."