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"I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age."
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"In the information age, you don't teach philosophy as they did after feudalism. You perform it. If Aristotle were alive today he'd have a talk show."

"Believe me, that was a happy age, before the days of architects, before the days of builders."
Explore more quotes by George Burns

"It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty."

"Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair."

"Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything that's down can come up."

"If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn't ask me, I'd still have to say it."

"I don't believe in dying. It's been done. I'm working on a new exit. Besides, I can't die now - I'm booked."
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