"When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's two' will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place."

Family, Parenting, Simplicity, Observation, Communication

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"When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's two' will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place."

Exlpore more Family quotes

"I am sure that if the mothers of various nations could meet, there would be no more wars."

E. M. Forster, English Novelist

Family, Mothers, Nations

"It's funny how two people can grow up in the same town, go to the same school, have the same friends, and end up so totally different. Family, or lack of it, counts for more than you'd think."

Sarah Dessen, American Author

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"Mother is the center of the family, everyone else surrounds her."

Debasish Mridha, American Author

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"There's something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after she's only measured water in it."

Erma Bombeck, American Journalist

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"Behind all your stories is always your mother's story. Because hers is where yours begin."

Mitch Albom, American Writer

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"If you don't have the support and love and caring and connection that you get from a family, you don't have much at all."

Mitch Albom, American Writer

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"I tell you, families are definitely the training ground for forgiveness."

Anne Lamott, American Author

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"Don't say negative things about your spouse and children."

Jaachynma N.E. Agu, Nigerian Author

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"Our acts make or mar us, we are the children of our own deeds."

Victor Hugo, French Author

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"Right, except I'm not going to lie to my mom, because what kind of bastard lies to his own mother?"

John Green, American Author

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Explore more quotes by George Carlin

"TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY. Not true. Today is another day. We have no idea what tomorrow is going to be. It might turn out to be another day, but we can't be sure. If it happens, I'll be the first to say so. But, you know what? By that time, it'll be today again."

Life

"Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid."

Relationship

"In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem."

Society

"I'm happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in."

Philosophy

"So, have a little fun. Soon enough you'll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family."

Humor

"Avoid teams at all cost. Keep your circle small. Never join a group that has a name."

Self-Help

"Words are all we have, really. We have thoughts but thoughts are fluid. Then we assign a word to a thought and we're stuck with that word for that thought, so be careful with words. I like to think that the same words that hurt can heal. It's a matter of how you pick them."

Philosophy

"Y'ever notice how you never seem to get laid on Thanksgiving? I think it's because all the coats are on the bed."

Humor

"You show me a lazy prick who's lying in bed all day, watching TV, only occasionally getting up to piss, and I'll show you a guy who's not causing any trouble."

Life

"No matter how you care to define it, I do not identify with the local group. Planet, species, race, nation, state, religion, party, union, club, association, neighborhood improvement committee; I have no interest in any of it. I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loathe and despise the groups they identify with and belong to."

Philosophy