"In some company it's perfectly all right to prick your finger, but very bad form to finger your prick."

Humor, Observation, Behavior, Awareness

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"In some company it's perfectly all right to prick your finger, but very bad form to finger your prick."

Exlpore more Humor quotes

"Don't interrupt me while I'm interrupting."

Winston Churchill, English Statesman

Humor, Communication, Life, Patience

"If it weren't for the last minute nothing would get done."

Anonymous, Unknown Unknown

Humor, Procrastination, Delay, Action

"And if I talk to him, I'll say something wrong, give something away. I can feel it coming, a betrayal of myself."

Margaret Atwood, Canadian Novelist

Humor, Escape, Solitude, Space, Privacy

"Kemp: I demonstrated conclusively this morning that invisibility--I.M: Never mind what YOU'VE DEMONSTRATED!--I'm starving, said the voice, and the night is--chilly for a man without clothes."

H. G. Wells, English Author

Humor, Observation, Survival, Humanity

"I hope you're not smoking in front of her,' Lucia says to him.'Yeah, I lie in bed and puff in her face, Lucia,' he says, irritated."

Melina Marchetta, Australian Author

Humor, Observation, Life, Interaction

"Niagara ... is the first disappointment in the married life of many Americans who spend their honeymoon there."

Oscar Wilde, Irish Dramatist

Humor, Disappointment, Marriage, Travel, America

"God alert!" Blackjack yelled. "It's the wine dude!Mr. D sighed in exasperation. "The next person, or horse, who calls me the 'wine dude' will end up in a bottle of Merlot!"

Rick Riordan, American Novelist

Humor, Truth, Wisdom, Power

"I always try to cheer myself up by singing when i get sad. Most of the time, it turns out that my voice is worse than my problems."

Anonymous, Unknown Unknown

Humor, Singing, Sadness, Voice

"Humor keeps us alive. Humor and food. Don't forget food. You can go a week without laughing."

Joss Whedon, American Writer

Humor, Survival, Life, Joy

"When you love someone, you don't care that she ate your sandwich. You only hope she found it delicious."

Richelle E. Goodrich, American Poet

Humor, Love, Happiness, Today, Truth

Explore more quotes by George Carlin

"I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose... it'll be much harder to detect."

Hell

"There are no bad words. Bad thoughts. Bad intentions, and wooooords."

Expression

"He - and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he, because no woman could or would ever fuck things up this badly."

Humor

"Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty.I see a glass that's twice as big as it needs to be."

Perspective

"Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?"

Crime

"When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands."

Life

"Gotta have my make up, in case I run into Joey and he wants to beat the shit out of me. Gotta look my best! Maybe he'll punch me repeatedly in the kidneys and the stomach so it doesn't mark up my face. He's so thoughtful!"

Humor

"This is a lttle prayer dedicated to the separation of church and state. I guess if they are going to force those kids to pray in schools they might as well have a nice prayer like this: Our Father who art in heaven, and to the republic for which it stands, thy kingdom come, one nation indivisible as in heaven, give us this day as we forgive those who so proudly we hail. Crown thy good into temptation but deliver us from the twilight's last gleaming. Amen and Awomen."

Politics

"When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. I'm sure it made the work seem that much more urgent."

Work

"And off we go, out onto the highway looking for a little fun. Perhaps a flatbed truck loaded with human cadavers will explode in front of a Star Trek reunion. One can only dream and hope."

Humor