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"An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt."
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"We all know what the problems are: it's tax and spend. One party will tax and spend, the other party won't tax but will spend. It's both of them together."
"Bats have no bankers and they do not drink and cannot be arrested and pay no tax and, in general, bats have it made."
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"I have said consistently both in my papers and in my speeches - which you heard in the primary campaign - that I will continue to phase out the Capital Stock and Franchise tax."
"The IRS is currently considering a rule that would make it easier for tax preparers to disclose the private information contained in tax returns - including name, address, Social Security number, employer, income, and charitable donations."
"I don't go tanning anymore because Obama put a 10 percent tax on tanning. McCain would never put a 10 percent tax on tanning. Because he's pale and would probably want to be tan."
"Today, and I'm very strongly against tax increases."
Explore more quotes by Fred Allen
"We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion."
"Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats; then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure."
"A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary."
"Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything."
"I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back."
"I always have trouble remembering three things: faces, names, and - I can't remember what the third thing is."
"I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars."
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