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George Carlin

"I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me - they're cramming for their final exam."

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"I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me - they're cramming for their final exam."

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Donna Grant

"Often people display a curious respect for a man drunk, rather like the respect of simple races for the insane... There is something awe-inspiring in one who has lost all inhibitions."

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Donna Grant

"The last resort of kings, the cannonball. The last resort of the people, the paving stone."

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Donna Grant

"It is not true that people are naturally equal for no two people can be together for even a half an hour without one acquiring an evident superiority over the other."

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Donna Grant

"There are bad people who would be less dangerous if they were quite devoid of goodness."

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Donna Grant

"There are only two kinds of people who are really fascinating - people who know absolutely everything, and people who know absolutely nothing."

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Donna Grant

"We confess our little faults to persuade people that we have no large ones."

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Donna Grant

"I do give books as gifts sometimes, when people would rather have one than a new Ferrari."

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Donna Grant

"If something in your writing gives support to people in their lives, that's more than just entertainment-which is what we writers all struggle to do, to touch people."

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Donna Grant

"Perhaps being old is having lighted rooms inside your head, and people in them, acting. People you know, yet can't quite name."

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Donna Grant

"The people I distrust most are those who want to improve our lives but have only one course of action."

Explore more quotes by George Carlin

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George Carlin
"The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done."
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George Carlin
"Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck."
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George Carlin
"I was a hip kid. When I saw Bambi it was the midnight show."
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George Carlin
"Do you know why hurricanes have names instead of numbers? To keep the killing personal. No one cares about a bunch of people killed by a number. '200 Dead as Number Three Slams Ashore' is not nearly as interesting a headline as 'Charlie kills 200.' Death is much more satisfying and entertaining if you personalize it.Me, I'm still waitin' for Hurricane Ed. Old Ed wouldn't hurt ya, would he? Sounds kinda friendly. 'Hell no, we ain't evacuatin'. Ed's comin'!"
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George Carlin
"I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. And apparently I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions."
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George Carlin
"I'm not a person who thinks they can have it all, but I certainly feel that with a bit of effort and guile I should be able to have more than my fair share."
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George Carlin
"As it stands right now, I lead Richard Pryor in heart attacks, two to one. However, Richard still leads me, one to nothing, in burning yourself up."
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George Carlin
"My mother would say, 'Why are you always playing alone?' And I would say, 'I'm not playin', Ma. I'm fuckin' serious!"
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George Carlin
"TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY. Not true. Today is another day. We have no idea what tomorrow is going to be. It might turn out to be another day, but we can't be sure. If it happens, I'll be the first to say so. But, you know what? By that time, it'll be today again."
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George Carlin
"When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands."
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