"That was horrible. Horrible. That poor little guy.'Pex was unrepentant. 'Yeah, well, he asked for it. Calling us ... all those things.'But---buried alive! That's like in that horror movie. Y'know -- the one with all the horror.'I think I saw that one. With all the words going up on the screen at the end?'Yeah, that was it. Tell you the truth, those words kinda ruined it for me."

Absurdity, Humor, Horror, Irony, Dialogue

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"That was horrible. Horrible. That poor little guy.'Pex was unrepentant. 'Yeah, well, he asked for it. Calling us ... all those things.'But---buried alive! That's like in that horror movie. Y'know -- the one with all the horror.'I think I saw that one. With all the words going up on the screen at the end?'Yeah, that was it. Tell you the truth, those words kinda ruined it for me."

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"We will then hear from the founder of the Mayo Clinic . . . Dr. Ted Clinic."

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"The concept of absurdity is something I'm attracted to."

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"Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, 'Do I know you?"

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"It was like being at an Arabian hoedown with a band of psychedelic hillbillies (p. 171)."

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"Dangerous as a lightning strike, as lethal as a pair of crisscrossing short swords, William whispered, "You're about to find out how your liver tastes, my friend."I have tasted it already, Zacharel said, his voice its usual monotone. The snowflakes began to fall in earnest, tiny at first, but growing in diameter. An arctic wind blustered around him. "It was a bit salty.How the hell was a guy supposed to respond to that?Apparently William didn't know, either, because he gaped at the angel. Then, "Maybe if you added a little pepper?O-kay. It was official. William had an answer for everything."

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"Bursar?"Yes, Archchancellor?"You ain't a member of some secret society or somethin', are you?"Me? No, Archchancellor."Then it'd be a damn good idea to take your underpants off your head."

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"Great, numbskull. Just bloody great. You've already managed to piss off the Queen. What's next on your agenda, setting fire to Disneyland?"

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Explore more quotes by Eoin Colfer

"Artemis: 'Right, brothers. Onward. Imagine yourself seated at a cafe in Montmartre.'Myles: 'In Paris.'Artemis: 'Yes, Paris. And try as you will, you cannot attract the waiter's attention. What do you do?'Beckett: 'Umm...tell Butler to jump-jump-jump on his head?'Myles: 'I agree with simple-toon.'Artemis: 'No! You simply raise one finger and say clearly 'ici, garcon.'Beckett: 'Itchy what?"

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"Naturally, we lunatics are the kindest of the bunch."

Humanity

"In my experience, boys are predictable. As soon as they think of something, they do it. Girls are smarter-they plan ahead. They think about not getting caught."

Awareness

"The thing about a diversion is that it has to be diverting."

Observation

"Well, young man, have you found anyone worthy of your respect?'Artemis smiled back. 'Yes,' he said. 'I believe I have."

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"It was no time for mercy, it was time to terminate with extreme prejudice."

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"He had seen bigger men than he with mummy's handkerchief clutched in on hand and a bloody dagger in the other."

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"Young love is common, but that doesn't mean it's not precious."

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"Really, I'm trying to care, Artemis, really. But I thought it was all supposed to be over when the fat lady sings. Well, she's singing, but it doesn't appear to be over."

Expectation

"I am charging you with the protection of my mother and friends, not to mention keeping my younger self off the Internet. He is as dangerous as Opal."

Protection