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Dorothy Parker

"Why, that dog is practically a Phi Beta Kappa. She can sit up and beg, and she can give her paw -- I don't say she will but she can."

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"Why, that dog is practically a Phi Beta Kappa. She can sit up and beg, and she can give her paw -- I don't say she will but she can."

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Akiroq Brost

"If it weren't for the last minute nothing would get done."

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"When you love someone, you don't care that she ate your sandwich. You only hope she found it delicious."

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"Some kleptomaniacs do not steal things only; they also, while some only, steal lovers."

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"You know, Aunt Tasha makes jokes about how youE1d actually be a better queen than the others, except sometimes . . . I donE1t think sheE1s joking."

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"A tie is what you get after ice cubes have wrestled with hot water."

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"Zombies are far better than religious people, because they do not discriminate in killing."

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"Your party kicked so much ass!Even though you suck so much! It's like, instead of blood, your heart pumps liquid suck! But thanks for the beer!"

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"Some people make spectacles of themselves with a couple of glasses."

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Akiroq Brost

"I've stopped drinking, but only while I'm asleep."

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"Everyone has a sense of humor. If you don't laugh at jokes, you probably laugh at opinions."

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"I shudder at the thought of men....I'm due to fall in love again."
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"I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy."
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"The two most beautiful words in the English language are 'cheque enclosed'."
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"You think You're frightening me with Your hell, don't You? You think Your hell is worse than mine."
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"Three be the things I shall never attain: Envy, content, and sufficient champagne."
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"She realizes she doesn't know as much as God but feels she knows as much as God knew when he was her age."
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"She was pleased to have him come and never sorry to see him go."
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Dorothy Parker
"Don't look at me in that tone of voice."
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"Yet, as only New Yorkers know, if you can get through the twilight, you'll live through the night."
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Dorothy Parker
"It costs me never a stab nor squirm / To tread by chance upon a worm. / Aha, my little dear, / I say, Your clan will pay me back one day."
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