"Oh, I'm not saying that alcohol is perfect. It has caused its share of problems. Russia is only one example."

Satire, Alcohol, Humor, Politics

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"Oh, I'm not saying that alcohol is perfect. It has caused its share of problems. Russia is only one example."

Exlpore more Satire quotes

"You're not allowed to call them dinosaurs any more," said Yo-less. "It's speciesist. You have to call them pre-petroleum persons."

Terry Pratchett, English Author

Satire, Truth, Power, Today, Life

"A fishing-rod was a stick with a hook at one end and a fool at the other."

Samuel Johnson, English Author

Satire, Fool, Fishing, Humor, Irony

"NIHILIST, n. A Russian who denies the existence of anything but Tolstoi. The leader of the school is Tolstoi."

Ambrose Bierce, American Journalist

Satire, Russia, Denial, Irony, Humor

"A distinguished clergyman told me that he chose the profession of a clergyman because it afforded the most leisure for literary pursuits. I would recommend to him the profession of a governor."

Henry David Thoreau, American Author

Satire, Leisure, Writing, Literature, Profession

"The door of Reverend Verringer's impressive manse is opened by an elderly female with a face like a pine plank; the Reverend is unmarried, and has need of an irreproachable housekeeper. Simon is ushered into the library. It is so self-consciously the right sort of library that he has an urge to set fire to it."

Margaret Atwood, Canadian Novelist

Satire, Judgment, Perception, Environment, Class

"What are American dry-goods? asked the duchess, raising her large hands in wonder and accentuating the verb.American novels, answered Lord Henry."

Oscar Wilde, Irish Dramatist

Satire, America, Irony, Culture, Truth

"Pornography is a satire on human pretensions."

Angela Carter, English Novelist

Satire, Pornography

"Alcohol, taken in sufficient quantities, may produce all the effects of drunkenness."

Oscar Wilde, Irish Dramatist

Satire, Alcohol, Truth, Humor, Effect

"God created war so that Americans would learn geography."

Mark Twain, American Author

Satire, God, War, Americans, Geography

"What did you bring me today? Delusional mutterings with a side of crazy?"

Marissa Meyer, American Author

Satire, Absurdity, Humor, Insanity, Dialogue

Explore more quotes by Dave Barry

"Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night."

Circumstance

"As you get older; you've probably noticed that you tend to forget things. You'll be talking with somebody at a party, and you'll know that you know this person, but no matter how hard you try, you can't remember his or her name. This can be very embarassing, especially if he or she turns out to be your spouse."

Aging

"Violence and smut are of course everywhere on the airwaves. You cannot turn on your television without seeing them, although sometimes you have to hunt around."

Television

"My problem with chess was that all my pieces wanted to end the game as soon as possible."

Humor

"The Sixties are now considered a historical period, just like the Roman Empire."

Now

"Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects."

Statistics

"Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance."

Dance

"Miami drivers will attempt to pass you inside a car wash."

Driving

"Aside from velcro, time is the most mysterious substance in the universe. You can't see it or touch it, yet a plumber can charge you upwards of seventy-five dollars per hour for it, without necessarily fixing anything."

Humor

"I would say that the single most important conclusion I reached after traveling through Japan as well as countless hours reading studying and analyzing this fascinating culture is that you should always tighten the cap on the shampoo bottle before you put it in your suitcase."

Travel