"Oh, I'm not saying that alcohol is perfect. It has caused its share of problems. Russia is only one example."

Satire, Alcohol, Humor, Politics

7

Create Your Own Wallpaper

Standard

Customized

"Oh, I'm not saying that alcohol is perfect. It has caused its share of problems. Russia is only one example."

Exlpore more Satire quotes

"Genuinity is mother of stupidity."

Vikrmn, Indian Author

Satire, Stupidity, Mother, Truth, Irony

"You don't have to be stupid to be a Christian, ... but it probably helps."

Ambrose Bierce, American Journalist

Satire, Humor, Religion, Ignorance, Critique

"Fella says today, 'Depression is over. I seen a jackrabbit, an' they wasn't nobody after him.' An' another fella says, 'That aint the reason. Can't afford to kill jackrabbits no more. Catch 'em and milk 'em an' turn 'em loose. One you seen prob'ly gone dry."

John Steinbeck, American Author

Satire, Depression, Poverty, Humor, Survival

"The difficulty with humourists is that they will mix what they believe with what they don't whichever seems likelier to win an effect."

John Updike, American Novelist

Satire, Humor, Irony, Belief, Manipulation

"God created war so that Americans would learn geography."

Mark Twain, American Author

Satire, God, War, Americans, Geography

"Does your guilty past catch up so fast with your age? You've been robbing hex nuts, cap nuts, lock nuts and wing nuts. No wonder you have turned into a greedy nut."

Angelica Hopes, Swiss Author

Satire, Guilt, Crime, Irony

"Never make fun of people who are different...unless they have more money, power and influence. Then you must."

Ziad K. Abdelnour, Lebanese Author

Satire, Humor, Wealth, Power, Truth

"We're roughage," Tyger said. "If we don't cause a little intestinal distress, no one knows we're there."

Neal Shusterman, American Author

Satire, Disruption, Humor, Impact, Awareness

"He wondered reflectively what would happen if you asked a nun where the Gents was. Probably the Pope sent you a sharp note or something."

Neil Gaiman, British Author

Satire, Humor, Religion, Authority

"We are all brothers under the skin - and I, for one, would be willing to skin humanity to prove it."

Ayn Rand, Russian Writer

Satire, Brotherhood, Skin, Humanity, Sarcasm

Explore more quotes by Dave Barry

"Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting."

Humor

"American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it."

Humor

"The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes."

Religion

"If you were to open up a baby's head - and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should - you would find nothing but an enormous drool gland."

Humor

"The word user is the word used by the computer professional when they mean idiot."

Computer

"Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear."

Car

"The world is full of strange phenomena that cannot be explained by the laws of logic or science. Dennis Rodman is only one example."

Science

"If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be 'meetings.'"

Society

"I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for the purpose of diddling with his computer."

Purpose

"Auto racing is boring except when a car is going at least 172 miles per hour upside down."

Car