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"What is it about hairdressers? You tell them 'not too short' and some part of their hairdresser brain hears this as 'whack the shit out of it.' If you never say, 'not too short, ' everything is fine. You say it, & it's a guarantee you'll come out ready for the military>"
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"Laughter can deflate almost any problem down to its proper size."
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Personal Development


"The main difference between a cat and a lie is that a cat only has nine lives."
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Personal Development


"The Rum Tum Tugger is a Curious Cat:If you offer him pheasant he would rather have grouse.If you put him in a house he would much prefer a flat,If you put him in a flat then he'd rather have a house.If you set him on a mouse then he only wants a rat,If you set him on a rat then he'd rather chase a mouse.Yes the Rum Tum Tugger is a Curious Cat -And there isn't any call for me to shout it:For he will doAs he do doAnd there's no doing anything about it!"
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Personal Development


"When you're lost in space, it's time to buy some new furniture!"
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Personal Development


"If you have to explain your sense of humor, then you are performing for the wrong crowd."
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Personal Development


"For a man seldom thinks with more earnestness of anything than he does of his dinner."
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"It's a terrible thing for a man when his woman gangs up on him wi' a toad."
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Personal Development


"You won't enjoy it," sighed Crowley. "It's been in the car for more than a fortnight." A heavy bass beat began to thump through the Bentley as they sped past Heathrow. Aziraphale's brow furrowed. "I don't recognize this," he said. "What is it?" "It's Tchaikovsky's 'Another One Bites the Dust'," said Crowley, closing his eyes as they went through Slough. To while away the time as they crossed the sleeping Chilterns, they also listened to William Byrd's "We Are the Champions" and Beethoven's "I Want To Break Free." Neither were as good as Vaughan Williams's "Fat-Bottomed Girls."
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"Igor?' said Moist. 'You have an Igor?'Oh, yes,' said Hubert. 'That's how I get this wonderful light. They know the secret of storing lightning in jars! But don't let that worry you, Mr Lipspick. Just because I'm employing an Igor and working in a cellar doesn't mean I'm some sort of madman, ha ha ha!'Ha ha,' agreed Moist.Ha hah hah!,' said Hubert. 'Hahahahahaha!! Ahahahahahahhhhh!!!!!-'Bent slapped him on the back. Hubert coughed.Sorry about that, it's the air down here,' he mumbled."
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"Texan starting eternity: I never dreamed heaven would be so much like Texas. companion: Who said this was heaven?"
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"You have the ability to just go on and forget people and how much they are meant, but I don't. You can people in their own little boxes and leave them there. So much for love. So much for soul mates. I'm sorry you don't want to believe the best or how I can change. You put a stake through the heart. I'm the only one who cared enough to suffer like this."
Love

"It was more work than it seemed, looking through a telescope, as the Earth was continually moving and you had to move along with it. You don't realize how fast this acutally happens, and it's kind of both creepy and wonderful when you stop to think about it. And it makes you realize there's absolutely no way to avoid change. You can sit there and cross your arms and refuse it, but underneath you, things are still spinning away."
Patience

"If time heals all wounds, and a book can hold a person's entire life, then you can speed up the process with a pulp time warp."
Time

"We are thickly layered, page lying upon page, behind simple covers. And love - it is not the book itself, but the binding."
Love

"Most of our parents wanted the best for us, I knew, but we also wanted the best for them."
Parenting

"Forever is hard enough without it beginning now."
Love

"Often enough, we owe our good fortune to someone else's loss."
Leadership

"I don't get why prom is like a mini - wedding these days...No one should spend that kind of money for a high school dance."
Trust

"A relationship could be a place to hide too."
Relationship

"What is it about hairdressers? You tell them 'not too short' and some part of their hairdresser brain hears this as 'whack the shit out of it.' If you never say, 'not too short, ' everything is fine. You say it, & it's a guarantee you'll come out ready for the military>"
Humor
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