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"Some people say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. In actuality, you have to make an incision through his skin, both dermis and epidermis, then carefully sever and separate the sternum. Only upon viewing the exposed thoracic cavity can you reach the heart--if indeed the male of the species actually possesses such an organ."
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"If I were you, I'd sue my face for slander."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Genuinity is mother of stupidity."
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Personal Development
"A fishing-rod was a stick with a hook at one end and a fool at the other."
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Personal Development
"You cut life to pieces with your epigrams."
Author Name
Personal Development
"This nation is like all the others that have been spewed upon the earth - ready to shout for any cause that will tickle its vanity or fill its pocket. What a hell of a heaven it will be when they get all these hypocrites assembled there!"
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Personal Development
"Scandal is gossip made tedious by morality."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Silena appeared out of the woods, her sword drawn. Her Aphrodite armour was pink and red, colour coordinated to match her clothes and makeup. She looked like Guerilla Warfare Barbie."
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Personal Development
"The god's chosen beverage. Tremble before the horror of Diet Coke!"
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Personal Development
"I understand we'll be attending your friend Miss Worthington's Christmas ball. Perhaps I'll find a suitable-- which is to say wealthy-- wife among the ladies attending."And perhaps they will run screaming for the convent."
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Personal Development
"All men are fools, if truth be told, but the ones in motley are more amusing than ones with crowns."
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Personal Development
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"You're gonna sit down. You're gonna shut up. And by the grace of God Almighty, I ain't gonna kill you."
Authority
"In the movie business, the ones we call Lucky are usually those idiots who are just too damn stubborn to take no for an answer. Come to think of it, the movie business is kind of like life."
Persistence
"Maybe knowledge is power, but it's damned hard to think a burglar to death."
Knowledge
"I'd trade every last one of you for a moment's peace and a dog that didn't P on the carpet."
Peace
"Dating is like nightfall--there's got to be a mourning after."
Heartbreak
"Trust is important to any relationship and easier to come by if you get a picture of a guy's wife buck naked."
Trust
"Old-age sucks, but the alternative doesn't look that great, either."
Aging
"The theory of relativity doesn't amount to a hill of beans when there's a bonfire in your shorts."
Perspective
"You don't need to be smarter, you just need dumber friends."
Humor
"Apparently it takes, like, forty-seven muscles to frown. Flippin' the bird' s a hell of a lot easier."
Humor
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