"Marty Richards is an angel on Earth. A producer that does what he says he'll do. He helped me greatly."

"I have a new joke today. Martha Stewart's on suicide watch. They had to unplug all of her ovens."

"Carrot Top... I gave him advice once and he ran with it. He should thank me."

"Red Skelton... I broke into tears when I met him."

"Because someone stole Gregory Peck's star on Hollywood Blvd., I have hired a Brink's guard to protect my star!"