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"Boy, these conservatives are really something, aren't they? They're all in favor of the unborn. They will do anything for the unborn. But once you're born, you're on your own. Pro-life conservatives are obsessed with the fetus from conception to nine months. After that, they don't want to know about you. They don't want to hear from you. No nothing. No neonatal care, no day care, no head start, no school lunch, no food stamps, no welfare, no nothing. If you're preborn, you're fine; if you're preschool, you're fucked."
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"Be interested yourself, and you will interest others."

"The tragedy of this age is that many are hungry for the wrong reasons."

"When you're different, sometimes you don't see the millions of people who accept you for what you are. All you notice is the person who doesn't."

"You have every right in the world to choose the kind of people that you place in your inner circle. By all means stay clear from negative minded individuals who are constantly very bitter with their lives and the lives of others. They wouldn't be too happy to watch you live a blissful life."

"I'm typically single. I'm the girl who - I call it girl-next-door-itis - the hot guy is friends with and gets all his relationship advice from but never considers dating."

"Less small talk and more real talk."
Explore more quotes by George Carlin

"He - and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he, because no woman could or would ever fuck things up this badly."

"I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven't tried that for a while. Maybe this time it'll work."

"Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit."

"I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. And apparently I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions."

"I'm not a person who thinks they can have it all, but I certainly feel that with a bit of effort and guile I should be able to have more than my fair share."

"I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It's so fuckin' heroic."

"I went through the usual stages: imp, rascal, scalawag, whippersnapper. And, of course, after that it's just a small step to full-blown sociopath."
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