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"You show me a lazy prick who's lying in bed all day, watching TV, only occasionally getting up to piss, and I'll show you a guy who's not causing any trouble."
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"The condition you're in at this moment is the product of your previous thoughts, to change your condition, change your thoughts."
Personal Development
"A full mind is unlucky if a good idea comes to enter inside, an empty mind is unlucky if a bad idea comes to enter inside!"
"Anything that ends is a dream. This whole universe is a dream."
"A wise quote can only change a wise man! Therefore, wise sayings are for the wise men, not for the fools! The sunflowers turn their face toward the Sun, the fools, toward the darkness!"
"Simple things have greater power than the complicated things!"
"Don't ever rule out the option of U-turn in your life, because one day you will need it! The moment you realize that you are going to the wrong direction, turn to the right direction instantly, with a beautiful U-turn!"
"There is so much hope in a little flower and so many flowers in a little hope!"
"For those who wander in the depths, there is nothing deep!"
"It is not the jumps you made in your life but mostly the jumps you haven't made are the real source of regrets in your life!"
"Nobody is exempt from the surprises of life!"
Explore more quotes by George Carlin
"He - and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he, because no woman could or would ever fuck things up this badly."
"As it stands right now, I lead Richard Pryor in heart attacks, two to one. However, Richard still leads me, one to nothing, in burning yourself up."
"I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose... it'll be much harder to detect."
"The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done."
"I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven't tried that for a while. Maybe this time it'll work."
"Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit."
"I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories."
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