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"Newspaper readership is declining like crazy. In fact, there's a good chance that nobody is reading my column."
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"We now consider as fundamental economic functions of the state, many duties that were left a generation ago to chance."

"Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?"

"As Bill Clinton said so eloquently at the convention, during Vietnam there was a chance to serve; there was a chance not to serve."

"We need to go to the niceties of approaching the U. N. and let them have a chance to take it over, but we should set some sort of date and begin to move out and leave it to whoever takes over."
Explore more quotes by Dave Barry

"I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for the purpose of diddling with his computer."

"Scientists now believe that the primary biological function of breasts is to make males stupid."

"The world is full of strange phenomena that cannot be explained by the laws of logic or science. Dennis Rodman is only one example."

"We journalists make it a point to know very little about an extremely wide variety of topics; this is how we stay objective."

"Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear."
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