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"Most of the arguments to which I am party fall somewhat short of being impressive, knowing to the fact that neither I nor my opponent knows what we are talking about."
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"For your own good is a persuasive argument that will eventually make a man agree to his own destruction."

"It's not about whether or not someone is a bigot, but whether or not the argument which that someone is arguing is worth being a bigot about."

"If he who employs coercion against me could mould me to his purposes by argument, no doubt he would. He pretends to punish me because his argument is strong; but he really punishes me because his argument is weak."

"You never need an argument against the use of violence, you need an argument for it."

"We are told that the possession of nuclear weapons - in some cases even the testing of these weapons - is essential for national security. But this argument can be made by other countries as well."

"At the conclusion of my argument I received very high compliments from the Chief Justice and later from other of the Judges. What they said I do not care to repeat."
Explore more quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

"Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'"

"My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was."

"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet."

"My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it."
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