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"If you want to know what's going on, keep your mind in the fridge or it might go off."
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"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"
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Personal Development
"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."
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Personal Development
"One who has both feet firmly planted in the air."
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Personal Development
"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"
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Personal Development
"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."
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Personal Development
"The cleverest woman finds a need for foolish admirers."
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Personal Development
"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."
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Personal Development
"I was my own boss, but that all changed the day I got married."
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Personal Development
"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"
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Personal Development
"I went to the kitchen and felt-up the turkey."
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Personal Development
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"Material wealth can be bad for your health.Because when you're in the soil it'll make your blood boil,that you couldn't keep it all for your self."
Society
"Avoid the stage of old age sit in the audience, it's all the rage."
Humor
"There's only one person to blame for lack of self confidence."
Self
"Words can be a fortress or a drawbridge to disaster."
Communication
"Cheapen words and they'll cheapen you."
Communication
"Dreaming's great as long as you wake up now and again."
Inspirational
"You can't help who you are, but you can change who you want to be."
Self
"When you've tried everything and failed, try everything else and succeed."
Motivation
"Great songs don't grow on trees, yet lots of songs have been written on great trees."
Music
"If you want to know what's going on, keep your mind in the fridge or it might go off."
Humor
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