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"For the first time ever I was taking the family on the road. We stayed with my in-laws, which on life's list of experiences ranks right below sitting in a tub full of scissors."
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"I had to perform at the White House for the president, That's always kind of a weird set to try to put together."
President
"The designated driver program, it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, drop them off at the wrong house."
Job
"I used to say that whenever people heard my Southern accent, they always wanted to deduct 100 IQ points."
People
"If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'"
Family
"Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door."
Baby
"You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand."
Goal
"If your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home, you might be a redneck."
Home
"The more excited the rooster gets, the higher his voice goes. He's got a little bit of a Barney Fife quality to him."
Quality
"I turned down a movie this summer because it was nine weeks in Vancouver and my oldest daughter is 14. I've got four more summers with her. I'm not giving away nine weeks of her summer to go do a silly movie."
Daughter
"I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did."
Father
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"Mothers care in volumes of tears and earnestness of prayers and a depth of emotion others cannot fathom."
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Personal Development
"Big Brother is watching you."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Some men do not know the father of 'their' children."
Author Name
Personal Development
"We Lannisters do have a certain pride," said Tyrion Lannister."Pride? Catelyn snapped. His mocking tone and easy manner made her angry. "Arrogance, some might call it. Arrogance and avarice and lust for power."My brother is undoubtedly arrogant, Tyrion Lannister replied. "My father is the soul of avarice, and my sweet sister Cersei lusts for power with every waking breath. I, however, am innocent as a little lamb. Shall I bleat for you? He grinned."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Never give up your wife, husband, children and families. Believe that people can change. Give others opportunity to change."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Many families remain for years in the same place, though both husband and wife are sick of it, simply because there is neither complete division nor agreement between them."
Author Name
Personal Development
"It has always been the prerogative of children and half-wits to point out that the emperor has no clothes. But the half-wit remains a half-wit, and the emperor remains an emperor."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Blessed is the womb that born you."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Until now, you have always lived your life alone. Every decision you've made has been for you and you alone. Now, and for the rest of your days, your life will be tied to another's. Every decision you make will be for both of you. What one does affects the other. You are a family, a team inseparable and unbreakable."
Author Name
Personal Development
"A rubber plant is just about the ideal family."
Author Name
Personal Development
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