"One fine day, in the middle of the night, two dead boys got up to fight. Back to back they faced each other. They pulled out their swords and shot one another. One deaf cop, on the beat heard the noise, and came and shot the two dead boys."

Humor, Absurdity, Surrealism, Observation

11

Create Your Own Wallpaper

Standard

Customized

"One fine day, in the middle of the night, two dead boys got up to fight. Back to back they faced each other. They pulled out their swords and shot one another. One deaf cop, on the beat heard the noise, and came and shot the two dead boys."

Exlpore more Humor quotes

"Your party kicked so much ass!Even though you suck so much! It's like, instead of blood, your heart pumps liquid suck! But thanks for the beer!"

John Green, American Author

Humor, Social, Truth, Life

"The real satire starts when I'm shockingly mocked,not mockingly shocked."

Munia Khan, Bangladeshi Poet

Humor, Satire, Criticism, Truth

"He has got no good red blood in his body," said Sir James."No. Somebody put a drop under a magnifying glass, and it was all semicolons and parentheses," said Mrs. Cadwallader."

George Eliot, British Author

Humor, Wit, Blood, Language

"CHARTERIS [unfolding his arms in terror] No, please. Dont. As a philosopher, it's my business to tell other people the truth; but it's not their business to tell it to me. I dont like it: it hurts."

George Bernard Shaw, Irish Dramatist

Humor, Philosophy, Truth, Hurt, Irony

"How was I supposed to know 'lucked out' means 'I got screwed over' in Australian?"

Elle Lothlorien, American Novelist

Humor, Culture, Observation, Learning

"I believe the phrase you're looking for is 'too much money and not enough things to spend it on."

Elle Lothlorien, American Novelist

Humor, Wealth, Excess, Irony, Consumption

"Where did you find that one?''I have no idea. I'm a magnet for crazies, I guess.''They must be able to sense a kindred spirit.''Your one to talk. Don't you have more hordes of the undead to lead in a glorious revolution?''Zombies not undead. There's a fine distinction. And no. Right now I'm scouting new talent. The glorious revolution comes tomorrow."

Kiersten White, American Author

Humor, Fiction, Creativity, Observation

"I realized women and humor were linked very closely."

Craig Ferguson, Scottish Comedian

Humor, Women, Life, Creativity

"A good joke doesn't necessarily need appreciation from others. One can freely laugh at one's own deserving jokes."

Pawan Mishra, Indian Author

Humor, Truth, Observation, Happiness

"He who joyfully marches to music in rank and file has already earned my contempt. He has been given a large brain by mistake, since for him the spinal cord would suffice."

Albert Einstein, German Scientist

Humor, Contempt, Music, Order

Explore more quotes by Holly Black

"She knew what it felt like to tremble like that before touching someone -- desire so acute that it became despair."

Desire

"Remember that I'm still a monster. I can listen to you scream and cry and beg and I still won't let you out."

Power

"When Tana was six, vampires were Muppets, endlessly counting, or cartoon villains in black cloaks with red polyester lining."

Innocence

"You said you were allowed to lose it,' some part of her reminded herself. 'Not yet, not yet."

Self

"I'm afraid my voice is going to break. I am afraid she is going to hear how much this hurts."

Emotion

"The truth is messy. It's raw and uncomfortable. You can't blame people for preferring lies."

Truth

"The moment she was cursed, I lost her. Once it wears off- soon- she will be embarrassed to remember things that she said, things she did, things like this. No matter how solid she feels in my arms, she is made of smoke."

Romance

"I'm going to take off your gag. And if you try to bite me or grab me or anything, I'll hit you with this thing as hard as I can as many times as I can. Understood?"

Safety

"Our tragedy is that we forget it might be someone else first."

Life

"People are fragile. They die of mistakes, of overdoses, of sickness. But mostly they die of Death."

Life