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"Humor is reason gone mad."
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"If it weren't for the last minute nothing would get done."
Author Name
Personal Development
"When you love someone, you don't care that she ate your sandwich. You only hope she found it delicious."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Some kleptomaniacs do not steal things only; they also, while some only, steal lovers."
Author Name
Personal Development
"You know, Aunt Tasha makes jokes about how youE1d actually be a better queen than the others, except sometimes . . . I donE1t think sheE1s joking."
Author Name
Personal Development
"A tie is what you get after ice cubes have wrestled with hot water."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Zombies are far better than religious people, because they do not discriminate in killing."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Your party kicked so much ass!Even though you suck so much! It's like, instead of blood, your heart pumps liquid suck! But thanks for the beer!"
Author Name
Personal Development
"Some people make spectacles of themselves with a couple of glasses."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Everyone has a sense of humor. If you don't laugh at jokes, you probably laugh at opinions."
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Personal Development
"Milk is the only juice in a world of cows."
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Personal Development
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"Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does."
Marriage
"Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough."
People
"I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book."
Television
"The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made."
Life
"Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others."
Principle
"I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members."
People
"Humor is reason gone mad."
Humor
"My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one."
Mother
"Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?"
Marriage
"A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running."
Bed
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