top of page
.png){kind=small}
"I think I can say with confidence that it's a lot funnier if you haven't actually been attacked by a shark."
Standard
Customized
More
"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"
Author Name
Personal Development
"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."
Author Name
Personal Development
"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"
Author Name
Personal Development
"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I was my own boss, but that all changed the day I got married."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"
Author Name
Personal Development
"Unless you stop him. Perhaps next we meet.""You'll be just as annoying?" I guessed.He fixed my with those warm brown eyes. "Or perhaps you could bring me up to speed on those modern courtship rituals."I sat there stunned until he gave me a glimpse of a smile-just enough to let me know he was teasing. Then he disappeared."Oh, very funny!" I yelled."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Don't ask for a girl's hand in marriage and forget to ask for her leg too."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Papa, potatoes, poultry, prunes and prism, are all very good words for the lips."
Author Name
Personal Development
More
"Uh-oh, I hope he doesn't start rattling off dirty limericks next; she'll probably burn the hotel down."
Comedy
"Don't take this the wrong way, but Australians have a LOT of bitches on their cashola."
Social
"Mouse likes to drag you to uninhabited areas with no cell signal-all those places perfect for dying of exposure."
Survival
"Aw, you're nothing but heart, Mako. Nice valentine in your skull, by the way. Is that temporary or did the Tanaka-kai change their daimon to attract the Powerpuff Girls crowd?"
Humor
"Didn't you read the invitation? There's going to be a game in a little while--the big Twister game in an hour. Make sure you eat plenty of bread."
Humor
"I'm almost afraid to tell you. Let's put it this way: clean toilets are the least of your problems in this country."
Observation
"Seriously, what is the purpose? Maybe I'd feel better about walking around speaking fluent jive if I knew there was a reason for it."
Purpose
"Follow me down, Alice Faye Dahl. I know the way."
Adventure
"Don't be such a dumbass, Gabe. Koalas don't travel in herds. They move in heaps. Much like emus move in ripples, and kangaroos travel in photo-ops."
Humor
"Well then, I guess I'm man enough to admit that I'm trying to get in touch with my inner bitch."
Humor
bottom of page