"Apparently it takes, like, forty-seven muscles to frown. Flippin' the bird' s a hell of a lot easier."

Humor, Effort, Simplicity, Irony

18

Create Your Own Wallpaper

Standard

Customized

"Apparently it takes, like, forty-seven muscles to frown. Flippin' the bird' s a hell of a lot easier."

Exlpore more Humor quotes

"I've accepted the fact I have mental illness but when my imaginary friends start calling me crazy that's where I draw the line."

Stanley Victor Paskavich, American Politician

Humor, Mental, Friend, Imagination

"Crap, are you thinking what I'm thinking?""I'm thinking we have about fifteen vampires and no blood," Claire said. "Is that it?""No, I was thinking we're out of chips. Of course that's what I was thinking."

Rachel Caine, Canadian Actress

Humor, Blood, Survival, Friendship

"Got a lot of sinful idears--but they seem kinda sensible."

John Steinbeck, American Author

Humor, Sin, Idea, Truth

"Laughter comes later, like wisdom teeth. And laughter at yourself comes last of all in a mad race with death. And sometimes, it isn't in time."

John Steinbeck, American Author

Humor, Laughter, Wisdom, Mortality

"Never stay up on the barren heights of cleverness, but come down into the green valleys of silliness."

Ludwig Wittgenstein, Austrian Philosopher

Humor, Cleverness

"I wonder what fool it was that first invented kissing."

Jonathan Swift, Irish Writer

Humor, First, Fool, Kissing, Wonder

"If they gave him an enema, he could be buried in a matchbox."

Anonymous, Unknown Unknown

Humor, Death, Sarcasm, Mortality

"Name the greatest of all inventors: Accident."

Mark Twain, American Author

Humor, Accident, Creativity, Surprise

"Pessimist - one who when he has the choice of two evils chooses both."

Oscar Wilde, Irish Dramatist

Humor, Pessimism, Evil, Choice, Irony

"Pardon my French if you're a religious man.''I am,' Bill said, grinning.'Then get outta my cab and go to fucking church,' the cabbie said, and they both burst out laughing."

Stephen King, American Author

Humor, Faith, Truth, Wisdom

Explore more quotes by Lois Greiman

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but tequila makes it so she doesn't give a shit if she's fond of you are not."

Irony

"Maybe knowledge is power, but it ain't nearly as as satisfying as punching some smart ass in the chops."

Irony

"Today's problems are yesterday's mistakes coming back to bite you in the ass."

Consequences

"Maybe curiosity did kill your cat. But it wouldn't hurt to keep an eye on the neighbor's rottweiler just the same."

Prudence

"In the beginning God made the seas, the mountains, the heavens, and buffalo knees. He made lilies, and dew drops, and snail shells, and roses, and dippers, and yappers, and snappers, and noses."

Creation

"Even choosing the perfect dinner wine loses its earth-shattering importance if your guests happen to be cannibals, and you, the unsuspecting entree."

Absurdity

"Women have to be in the mood for sex. Men have to be breathing."

Sexuality

"When men age they're called sophisticated. When women age they ain't called at all."

Aging

"I'd rather be pissed off then pissed on."

Defiance

"A person without regrets is called a corpse."

Mortality