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"Infidel n: in New York one who does not believe in the Christian religion in Constantinople one who does."
Standard
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"Abscond - to move in a mysterious way, commonly with the property of another."
Crime
"Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her."
Happiness
"Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead."
Power
"Genius - to know without having learned; to draw just conclusions from unknown premises; to discern the soul of things."
Genius
"In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office."
Intelligence
"Litigant. A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones."
Hope
"Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills."
Body
"Architect. One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money."
Money
"What is a democrat? One who believes that the republicans have ruined the country. What is a republican? One who believes that the democrats would ruin the country."
Nation
"Dawn: When men of reason go to bed."
Man
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"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"
Author Name
Personal Development
"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."
Author Name
Personal Development
"One who has both feet firmly planted in the air."
Author Name
Personal Development
"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"
Author Name
Personal Development
"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I'm trying to remember how you tell the time by looking at the sun." -"I should leave it for a while, it's too bright to see the numbers at the moment."
Author Name
Personal Development
"The cleverest woman finds a need for foolish admirers."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Comedy strikes here... just to reduce pressure and depression."
Author Name
Personal Development
"They're both bungholes who think they're too noble to shit."
Author Name
Personal Development
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