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"98% of all comedians feel obliged to be funny when interviewed. Less than 2% succeed."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Comedy to me has always seemed a social tightrope for the comedian. For all axioms intellectually sound the general public would prefer to be amused, but in those emotionally sound, it then chooses to get offended."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I'm traveling the world, ripping rooms apart with my stupendous comedy."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I hate comedy... Yo...-yo bitch."
Author Name
Personal Development
"You need to understand that some comedy can have consequences."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Now, if you have never been hit by a flying burrito, count yourself lucky. In terms of deadly projectiles, it's right up there with grenades and cannonballs."
Author Name
Personal Development
"You can't always go by the book, even in comedy."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Laughter is good for you. Nine out of ten stand-up comedians recommend laughter in the face of intense stupidity."
Author Name
Personal Development
"She's got feet like boats, whiskers like an American, and her undies are filthy."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I am a comic writer, which means I get to slay the dragons, and shoot the bull."
Author Name
Personal Development
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"I am now a turtle. Virtually everything I own is on my back and suffice it to say I am one ton lighter and therefore 2,000 pounds happier. All houses are gone."
Houses
"My goal is to be remembered as a human being and as a great performer."
Goal
"I have worked with a great many comedians as opposed to comics, although I have worked with comics as well, I make the distinction."
Comedians
"The Democratic Party of California is ready to sponsor me. All I have to do is find the right office to run for."
Office
"Nearly everything I do is part of a master plan to make me the most important entertainer in the world."
World
"I want to make it faster than anyone has ever made it before. I'd like to be a legend by the time I'm 25."
Time
"I realized that I needed to be anonymous on the street and somebody else on the stage. I had tried to put my street self on the stage, but what they want is an actor on stage."
Actor
"There are certain times I don't want my picture taken. If my wife's stepping out of a car and it looks like it's going to come out an indecent picture, don't I have a right to object?"
Car
"Sure my career means a hell of a lot, but it will never come before Sandy and my son."
Son
"I don't care if I never do another TV show in my life."
Life
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