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Henny Youngman

"This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His dog graduated!"

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"This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His dog graduated!"

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Akiroq Brost

"Dr. Johnson was a lazy learned man who liked to think and talk better than to read or write; who, however, wrote much and well, but too often by rote."

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Akiroq Brost

"Each man in his way is a treasure."

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Akiroq Brost

"When a man is wrapped up in himself, he makes a pretty small package."

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Akiroq Brost

"Welcome to Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average."

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Akiroq Brost

"For famous men have the whole earth as their memorial."

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Akiroq Brost

"In the long run, Women's Liberation will of course free men-but in the short run it's going to COST men a lot of privilege, which no one gives up willingly or easily."

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Akiroq Brost

"Men and girls, men and girls: Artificial swine and pearls."

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Akiroq Brost

"After coming into contact with a religious man I always feel I must wash my hands."

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Akiroq Brost

"Men may die, but the fabrics of free institutions remains unshaken."

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Akiroq Brost

"The best of men cannot suspend their fate: The good die early, and the bad die late."

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Henny Youngman
"I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back."
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Henny Youngman
"When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say."
God,
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Henny Youngman
"I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him."
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Henny Youngman
"While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake."
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Henny Youngman
"A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student."
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Henny Youngman
"My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way."
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Henny Youngman
"My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out of bed, it's feet first!"
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Henny Youngman
"Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to."
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Henny Youngman
"You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready."
Wit,
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Henny Youngman
"My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but New York City?"
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