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"The funniest line in English is "Get it?" When you say that, everyone chortles."
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"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"
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Personal Development
"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."
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"One who has both feet firmly planted in the air."
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Personal Development
"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"
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Personal Development
"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."
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Personal Development
"The cleverest woman finds a need for foolish admirers."
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Personal Development
"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."
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Personal Development
"She breathed an enormous sigh, looked at Poirot, Looked away, and suddenly blurted out, "You're too old. Nobody told me you were so old. I really don't want to be rude but - there it is. You're too old. I'm really sorry." She turned abruptly and blundered out of the room, rather like a desperate moth in lamplight. Poirot, his mouth open, heard the bang of the front door. He ejaculated: "Non d'un nom d'un nom..."
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Personal Development
"I was my own boss, but that all changed the day I got married."
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Personal Development
"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"
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"Lake Wobegon, the little town that time forgot and the decades cannot improve."
Time
"A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together."
Christian
"Thank you, God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love it enough."
Life
"It's a shallow life that doesn't give a person a few scars."
Life
"It was luxuries like air conditioning that brought down the Roman Empire. With air conditioning their windows were shut, they couldn't hear the barbarians coming."
Society
"I'm not busy... a woman with three children under the age of 10 wouldn't think my schedule looked so busy."
Age
"Even in a time of elephantine vanity and greed, one never has to look far to see the campfires of gentle people."
Time
"Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose."
Nature
"A book is a gift you can open again and again."
Literature
"The funniest line in English is "Get it?" When you say that, everyone chortles."
Humor
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