"The funniest line in English is "Get it?" When you say that, everyone chortles."

Humor, English

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"The funniest line in English is "Get it?" When you say that, everyone chortles."

Exlpore more Humor quotes

"Your sarcasm and general assholeness are not necessary, Apollo remarked casually.I grinned at him. "I don't think 'assholeness' is a word."It is if I say it is. Apollo drew in a deep breath, a sure sign his temper was reaching its knock-Seth-into-the-nearby-ocean point."

Jennifer L. Armentrout, American Author

Humor, Conflict, Speech, Temper

"Don't interrupt me while I'm interrupting."

Winston Churchill, English Statesman

Humor, Communication, Life, Patience

"If it weren't for the last minute nothing would get done."

Anonymous, Unknown Unknown

Humor, Procrastination, Delay, Action

"And if I talk to him, I'll say something wrong, give something away. I can feel it coming, a betrayal of myself."

Margaret Atwood, Canadian Novelist

Humor, Escape, Solitude, Space, Privacy

"Aw, you're nothing but heart, Mako. Nice valentine in your skull, by the way. Is that temporary or did the Tanaka-kai change their daimon to attract the Powerpuff Girls crowd?"

Elle Lothlorien, American Novelist

Humor, Observation, Social, Interaction

"This was not of the nature of a Christlike lesson for Owen Meany to learn, as he lay in the manger, that someone you hate can give you a hard-on."

John Irving, American Novelist

Humor, Observation, Religion, Truth

"Vengeance was one hell of a roommate."

J.R. Ward, American Author

Humor, Conflict, Observation, Personality

"Cheap booze is a false economy."

Christopher Hitchens, American Author

Humor, Economy, Choice, Alcohol

"Sergeant Colon of the Ankh-Morpork City Guard was on duty. He was guarding the Brass Bridge, the main link between Ankh and Morpork. From theft.When it came to crime prevention, Sergeant Colon found it safest to think big."

Terry Pratchett, English Author

Humor, Crime, Duty, Irony

"Humor is merely tragedy standing on its head with its pants torn."

Irvin S. Cobb, American Journalist

Humor, Tragedy

Explore more quotes by Garrison Keillor

"Welcome to Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average."

Man

"Some luck lies in not getting what you thought you wanted but getting what you have, which once you have got it you may be smart enough to see is what you would have wanted had you known."

Thought

"A minister has to be able to read a clock. At noon, it's time to go home and turn up the pot roast and get the peas out of the freezer."

Home

"I want to resume the life of a shy person."

Life

"Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose."

Nature

"A girl in a bikini is like having a loaded pistol on your coffee table - There's nothing wrong with them, but it's hard to stop thinking about it."

Beauty

"It was luxuries like air conditioning that brought down the Roman Empire. With air conditioning their windows were shut, they couldn't hear the barbarians coming."

Society

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Exlpore more Humor quotes

"Your sarcasm and general assholeness are not necessary, Apollo remarked casually.I grinned at him. "I don't think 'assholeness' is a word."It is if I say it is. Apollo drew in a deep breath, a sure sign his temper was reaching its knock-Seth-into-the-nearby-ocean point."

"Don't interrupt me while I'm interrupting."

"If it weren't for the last minute nothing would get done."

"And if I talk to him, I'll say something wrong, give something away. I can feel it coming, a betrayal of myself."

"Aw, you're nothing but heart, Mako. Nice valentine in your skull, by the way. Is that temporary or did the Tanaka-kai change their daimon to attract the Powerpuff Girls crowd?"

"This was not of the nature of a Christlike lesson for Owen Meany to learn, as he lay in the manger, that someone you hate can give you a hard-on."

"Vengeance was one hell of a roommate."

"Cheap booze is a false economy."

"Sergeant Colon of the Ankh-Morpork City Guard was on duty. He was guarding the Brass Bridge, the main link between Ankh and Morpork. From theft.When it came to crime prevention, Sergeant Colon found it safest to think big."

"Humor is merely tragedy standing on its head with its pants torn."

Explore more quotes by Garrison Keillor

"Welcome to Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average."

"It's a shallow life that doesn't give a person a few scars."

"I believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it."

"A book is a gift you can open again and again."

"Some luck lies in not getting what you thought you wanted but getting what you have, which once you have got it you may be smart enough to see is what you would have wanted had you known."

"A minister has to be able to read a clock. At noon, it's time to go home and turn up the pot roast and get the peas out of the freezer."

"I want to resume the life of a shy person."

"Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose."

"A girl in a bikini is like having a loaded pistol on your coffee table - There's nothing wrong with them, but it's hard to stop thinking about it."

"It was luxuries like air conditioning that brought down the Roman Empire. With air conditioning their windows were shut, they couldn't hear the barbarians coming."