"When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother."

Mother, Ugly

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"When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother."

Exlpore more Mother quotes

"My father and mother - I figured if I could make them laugh, they'd stop fighting. I stole all their material."

Jerry Stiller, American Comedian

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"A mother's love is more beautiful than any fresh flower."

Debasish Mridha, American Author

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"Habits are the daughters of action, but then they nurse their mother, and produce daughters after her image, but far more beautiful and prosperous."

Jeremy Taylor, British Clergyman

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"People who lost their mother should be careful about committing crime, because probably no one else is praying to save you."

Amit Kalantri, Indian Author

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"Just before my final year of high school, my brother, sister and I moved with my mother to San Francisco."

Eric Allin Cornell, American Physicist

Mother, Sister, Brother, School

"There are things that you cannot talk to your mother and father about, there are things that you cannot talk to your children about."

Shirley Knight, American Actress

Mother, Father, Children, Talk

"When I was four years old, my mother owned some tenements in the Bronx."

Cy Coleman, American Composer

Mother, Old, Years

"A mother is the most important blessing of your life."

Debasish Mridha, American Author

Mother, Blessing, Love

"My mother would put me on a wooden box at the stove and tell me to call her if certain things would happen. Like if the steam turns blue, that is danger!"

Paul Prudhomme, American Celebrity

Mother,

"I think what I came through is great, but my son can take it to another level, not having to fight racism. His mother's a Norwegian and I'm mixed up four or five times, so he can face the world."

James Brown, American Musician

Mother, Son, Fight, Racism

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"I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof."

Time

"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet."

Being

"I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it."

Time

"I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot."

Mother

"I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out."

Fight

"I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or going."

Drink

"At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't."

Hope

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Exlpore more Mother quotes

"My father and mother - I figured if I could make them laugh, they'd stop fighting. I stole all their material."

"A mother's love is more beautiful than any fresh flower."

"Habits are the daughters of action, but then they nurse their mother, and produce daughters after her image, but far more beautiful and prosperous."

"People who lost their mother should be careful about committing crime, because probably no one else is praying to save you."

"Just before my final year of high school, my brother, sister and I moved with my mother to San Francisco."

"There are things that you cannot talk to your mother and father about, there are things that you cannot talk to your children about."

"When I was four years old, my mother owned some tenements in the Bronx."

"A mother is the most important blessing of your life."

"My mother would put me on a wooden box at the stove and tell me to call her if certain things would happen. Like if the steam turns blue, that is danger!"

"I think what I came through is great, but my son can take it to another level, not having to fight racism. His mother's a Norwegian and I'm mixed up four or five times, so he can face the world."

Explore more quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

"The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest."

"My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet."

"I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people."

"I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof."

"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet."

"I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it."

"I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot."

"I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out."

"I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or going."

"At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't."