"When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother."

Mother, Ugly

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"When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother."

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"The longest tenured First LOVE and Greatest TEACHER, in-fact life long, is none the other, but Mother."

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"Few misfortunes can befall a boy which bring worse consequence than to have a really affectionate mother."

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"That was his mother. When she wasn't crying over the breakfast cereal, she was laughing about killing herself."

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Explore more quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

"Most of the arguments to which I am party fall somewhat short of being impressive, knowing to the fact that neither I nor my opponent knows what we are talking about."

Argument

"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet."

Being

"The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest."

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"Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself."

Time

"What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife."

Wife

"I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people."

People

"It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass."

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"I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio."

Parents

"I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table."

Age

"My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too."

Opinion