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"Sometimes absurd logic can be amusing and heart-touching."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Alimony: the cash surrender value of a husband."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Beware of giggle grins, they are highly contagious."
Author Name
Personal Development
"When I reprimanded my son for hair like Michael Jackson he said: "I don't see the problem you wear yours like Michael Jordan.""
Author Name
Personal Development
"God alert!" Blackjack yelled. "It's the wine dude!Mr. D sighed in exasperation. "The next person, or horse, who calls me the 'wine dude' will end up in a bottle of Merlot!"
Author Name
Personal Development
"Probably went swimming and got eaten by a pineapple."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Monkeys who very sensibly refrain from speech, lest they should be set to earn their livings."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Igor?' said Moist. 'You have an Igor?'Oh, yes,' said Hubert. 'That's how I get this wonderful light. They know the secret of storing lightning in jars! But don't let that worry you, Mr Lipspick. Just because I'm employing an Igor and working in a cellar doesn't mean I'm some sort of madman, ha ha ha!'Ha ha,' agreed Moist.Ha hah hah!,' said Hubert. 'Hahahahahaha!! Ahahahahahahhhhh!!!!!-'Bent slapped him on the back. Hubert coughed.Sorry about that, it's the air down here,' he mumbled."
Author Name
Personal Development
"This was beyond a joke. This had moved beyond foolishness, slipped over the line into genuine 24 karat Jesus-Christ-I-fucked-up-bigtime territory."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Some kid asked what a dilemma is. And I replied: When a starving man has to choose between a plate of food, and, a roll of toilet paper."
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Personal Development
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"Carry the battle to them. Don't let them bring it to you. Put them on the defensive and don't ever apologize for anything."
Battle
"I do not believe there is a problem in this country or the world today which could not be settled if approached through the teaching of the Sermon on the Mount."
Nation
"You know that being an American is more than a matter of where your parents came from. It is a belief that all men are created free and equal and that everyone deserves an even break."
Man
"I've said many a time that I think the Un-American Activities Committee in the House of Representatives was the most un-American thing in America!"
Time
"Art is parasitic on life, just as criticism is parasitic on art."
Life
"It's a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it's a depression when you lose yours."
Economy
"Washington is a very easy city for you to forget where you came from and why you got there in the first place."
Politics
"Whenever you put a man on the Supreme Court he ceases to be your friend."
Friendship
"In my opinion eight years as president is enough and sometimes too much for any man to serve in that capacity."
Man
"A bureaucrat is a Democrat who holds some office that a Republican wants."
Office
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