"A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing."

Boxing, Chess, Computer

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"A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing."

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Explore more quotes by Emo Philips

"Well, my brother says Hello. So, hooray for speech therapy."

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"Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps."

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"When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me."

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"I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well.""

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"I was the kid next door's imaginary friend."

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"In our school you were searched for guns and knifes on the way in and if you didn't have any, they gave you some."

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"You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life."

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"My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself."

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"I was with this girl the other night and from the way she was responding to my skillful caresses, you would have sworn that she was conscious from the top of her head to the tag on her toes."

Night