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"I know I'm drinking myself to a slow death, but then I'm in no hurry."
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"I leaned against the desk, ran my hand over my father's paperwork, and picked up a pen. Turning around, I shoved it into my father's hand. 'What's this?' he asked, raising a brow. 'You'll need it to sign my death certificate, ' I said, pain vibrating my veins against my muscles and bones. 'Are we done now? (Eric)"

"It is difficult to accept death in this society because it is unfamiliar. In spite of the fact that it happens all the time, we never see it."
Explore more quotes by Robert Benchley


"At fifteen one is first beginning to realize that everything isn't money and power in this world, and is casting about for joys that do not turn to dross in one's hands."


"Anyone who tries to keep track of what is happening in China is going to end up by wearing all the skin of his left ear from twirling around on it."


"In a house where there are small children the bathroom soon takes on the appearance of the Old Curiosity Shop."


"A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down."


"There seems to be no lengths to which humorless people will not go to analyze humor. It seems to worry them."


"A great many people have come up to me and asked how I manage to get so much work done and still keep looking so dissipated."


"Most of the arguments to which I am party fall somewhat short of being impressive, owing to the fact that neither I nor my opponent knows what we are talking about."


"Even nowadays a man can't step up and kill a woman without feeling just a bit unchivalrous."


"A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down."
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