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"Wit is the lowest form of humor."
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"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"
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Personal Development
"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."
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Personal Development
"One who has both feet firmly planted in the air."
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Personal Development
"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"
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Personal Development
"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."
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Personal Development
"The cleverest woman finds a need for foolish admirers."
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Personal Development
"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."
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Personal Development
"I was my own boss, but that all changed the day I got married."
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Personal Development
"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"
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Personal Development
"I went to the kitchen and felt-up the turkey."
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"A God without dominion, providence, and final causes, is nothing else but fate and nature."
Spiritual
"The same ambition can destroy or save, and make a patriot as it makes a knave."
Ambition
"Like Cato, give his little senate laws, and sit attentive to his own applause."
Responsibility
"Know then thyself, presume not God to scan; The proper study of mankind is man."
Humility
"So vast is art, so narrow human wit."
Knowledge
"Order is heaven's first law."
Wisdom
"There is a certain majesty in simplicity which is far above all the quaintness of wit."
Wisdom
"On life's vast ocean diversely we sail. Reasons the card, but passion the gale."
Life
"For fools rush in where angels fear to tread."
Fear
"Woman's at best a contradiction still."
Reflection
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