"I had a dream about you last night. I was writing a 'Sex for dummies-Christians That Secretly What to be Porn Stars- 1st edition.' And you helped me with the illustrations."

Humor, Fantasy, Sexuality, Satire

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"I had a dream about you last night. I was writing a 'Sex for dummies-Christians That Secretly What to be Porn Stars- 1st edition.' And you helped me with the illustrations."

Exlpore more Humor quotes

"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"

Anthony Liccione, American Author

Humor, Trust, Mistake, Learning

"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."

Michael Bassey Johnson, Nigerian Philosopher

Humor, Comedy, Stupidity, Life, Love

"One who has both feet firmly planted in the air."

Anonymous, Unknown Unknown

Humor, Confusion, Logic, Irony

"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"

C. JoyBell C., American Author

Humor, Self, Life, Joy

"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."

Richelle Mead, American Author

Humor, Dance, Sex, Judgment

"The cleverest woman finds a need for foolish admirers."

Anonymous, Unknown Unknown

Humor, Women, Needs, Attention

"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."

Terry Pratchett, English Author

Humor, Weight, Warning, Technology

"She breathed an enormous sigh, looked at Poirot, Looked away, and suddenly blurted out, "You're too old. Nobody told me you were so old. I really don't want to be rude but - there it is. You're too old. I'm really sorry." She turned abruptly and blundered out of the room, rather like a desperate moth in lamplight. Poirot, his mouth open, heard the bang of the front door. He ejaculated: "Non d'un nom d'un nom..."

Agatha Christie, English Writer

Humor, Aging, Appearance, Truth

"I was my own boss, but that all changed the day I got married."

Matshona Dhliwayo, Zimbabwean Philosopher

Humor, Marriage, Change, Responsibility, Life

"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"

Chuck Palahniuk, American Novelist

Humor, Death, Danger, Irony

Explore more quotes by Crystal Woods

"Be a lady? Forget it. Ladies don't last a day in the real word. No one's a lady anymore. Why do you think we get our claws polished?"

Feminism, Survival, Strength, Reality

"I'm passing the bar Where you first got in my car I'm not ashamed to admit That it's you I won't forget I saved your cigarettes andBad habits I regret But the hours flew by like cloudsWhenever I had you around Parachute loverTake me awayFrom the plane that went crashing And the earth that's in flamesSaving you is saving me High above the redwood treesBut down below I see shadows And parachute debris We're drifting like children Along for the rideEach time we find love Another parachute arrivesOur madness will burn As bright as the sunAnd I'll keep finding lovers But you were the one."

Romance, Love, Loss, Memory, Passion

"My existence began the day you were created and was realized the day we met."

Destiny, Love, Connection, Creation

"I'd prefer to die in Texas when I'm old. They say most good things end the same way they started, and that's where I entered the world, so that's how I'll leave it."

Home, Death, Acceptance, Identity

"I'm a Texas girl, with a California soul."

Identity, Belonging, Self, Contrast

"Sometimes, as in a game of chess, we must strategically regress so that we might progress toward our ultimate objective."

Strategy, Patience, Progress, Planning

"I know I'm not going to be in your head all the time. But once you know me, I'll be forever in your heart."

Connection, Memory, Love, Heart

"Don't forget to breathe deep from your gut and attempt to see every day as the ultimate last one. Live in it like it's your last interactions, last experiences, your last time in the sun, and tomorrow comes."

Presence, Life, Breath, Awareness

"Every word you've ever said, is written somewhere in my mind."

Memory, Word, Connection, Emotion

"Even if most days can't be half as good as today, it's days like this that make it all worth it."

Gratitude, Joy, Meaning, Hope