"I had a dream about you last night. I was writing a 'Sex for dummies-Christians That Secretly What to be Porn Stars- 1st edition.' And you helped me with the illustrations."

Humor, Fantasy, Sexuality, Satire

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"I had a dream about you last night. I was writing a 'Sex for dummies-Christians That Secretly What to be Porn Stars- 1st edition.' And you helped me with the illustrations."

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"Your party kicked so much ass!Even though you suck so much! It's like, instead of blood, your heart pumps liquid suck! But thanks for the beer!"

John Green, American Author

Humor, Social, Truth, Life

"CHARTERIS [unfolding his arms in terror] No, please. Dont. As a philosopher, it's my business to tell other people the truth; but it's not their business to tell it to me. I dont like it: it hurts."

George Bernard Shaw, Irish Dramatist

Humor, Philosophy, Truth, Hurt, Irony

"How was I supposed to know 'lucked out' means 'I got screwed over' in Australian?"

Elle Lothlorien, American Novelist

Humor, Culture, Observation, Learning

"I believe the phrase you're looking for is 'too much money and not enough things to spend it on."

Elle Lothlorien, American Novelist

Humor, Wealth, Excess, Irony, Consumption

"Where did you find that one?''I have no idea. I'm a magnet for crazies, I guess.''They must be able to sense a kindred spirit.''Your one to talk. Don't you have more hordes of the undead to lead in a glorious revolution?''Zombies not undead. There's a fine distinction. And no. Right now I'm scouting new talent. The glorious revolution comes tomorrow."

Kiersten White, American Author

Humor, Fiction, Creativity, Observation

"He who joyfully marches to music in rank and file has already earned my contempt. He has been given a large brain by mistake, since for him the spinal cord would suffice."

Albert Einstein, German Scientist

Humor, Contempt, Music, Order

"When the first book out my sister-in-law read it and we were chatting at 5 o'clock in the afternoon and she said, "Oh my God, chapter six, sex and a murder," and her five year old wandered into the kitchen and said, "Sixty hamburgers?"

Sara Sheridan, Scottish Author

Humor, Writing, Family, Books

"Let's put it this way: you know how we always told you that all those years of tormenting four sisters turned you into a closet sadist? Well, if you ever decide that being a lawyer isn't bringing you the kind of gratification you were hoping for, then I think I found the perfect job for you."

Elle Lothlorien, American Novelist

Humor, Sarcasm, Career, Personality

"I wasn't sure what was worse: being oblivious or living within reality. (Eric)"

Shannon A. Thompson, American Author

Humor, Perception, Confusion, Identity, Awareness

"Negative humor is forgotten immediately. It's the stuff that makes us feel better about our lives that lives long. Much more satisfying. Enter children's books."

Berkeley Breathed, American Cartoonist

Humor, Negative, Books, Children

Explore more quotes by Crystal Woods

"Madeleine Albright says, "There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. I wonder what happens to women who bully other women."

Feminism

"Love is the best drug, bar none."

Love

"At the end of the day, we're all striving to be touched, somehow."

Connection

"Don't cry about it. Write about it."

Writing

"Life's a battlefield, and we remain loyal to those who fight for us; those who'd die for us."

Loyalty

"Don't forget to breathe deep from your gut and attempt to see every day as the ultimate last one. Live in it like it's your last interactions, last experiences, your last time in the sun, and tomorrow comes."

Presence

"I know I'm not going to be in your head all the time. But once you know me, I'll be forever in your heart."

Connection

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Exlpore more Humor quotes

"Your party kicked so much ass!Even though you suck so much! It's like, instead of blood, your heart pumps liquid suck! But thanks for the beer!"

"CHARTERIS [unfolding his arms in terror] No, please. Dont. As a philosopher, it's my business to tell other people the truth; but it's not their business to tell it to me. I dont like it: it hurts."

"How was I supposed to know 'lucked out' means 'I got screwed over' in Australian?"

"I believe the phrase you're looking for is 'too much money and not enough things to spend it on."

"He who joyfully marches to music in rank and file has already earned my contempt. He has been given a large brain by mistake, since for him the spinal cord would suffice."

"When the first book out my sister-in-law read it and we were chatting at 5 o'clock in the afternoon and she said, "Oh my God, chapter six, sex and a murder," and her five year old wandered into the kitchen and said, "Sixty hamburgers?"

"Let's put it this way: you know how we always told you that all those years of tormenting four sisters turned you into a closet sadist? Well, if you ever decide that being a lawyer isn't bringing you the kind of gratification you were hoping for, then I think I found the perfect job for you."

"I wasn't sure what was worse: being oblivious or living within reality. (Eric)"

"Negative humor is forgotten immediately. It's the stuff that makes us feel better about our lives that lives long. Much more satisfying. Enter children's books."

Explore more quotes by Crystal Woods

"As we get older, it matters less where you are and more who you're with."

"When nothing is at stake, everything's a waste."

"I'm a Texas girl, with a California soul."

"Madeleine Albright says, "There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. I wonder what happens to women who bully other women."

"Love is the best drug, bar none."

"At the end of the day, we're all striving to be touched, somehow."

"Don't cry about it. Write about it."

"Life's a battlefield, and we remain loyal to those who fight for us; those who'd die for us."

"Don't forget to breathe deep from your gut and attempt to see every day as the ultimate last one. Live in it like it's your last interactions, last experiences, your last time in the sun, and tomorrow comes."

"I know I'm not going to be in your head all the time. But once you know me, I'll be forever in your heart."