"I'm going to kill myself. I should go to Paris and jump off the Eiffel Tower. I'll be dead. you know, in fact, if I get the Concorde, I could be dead three hours earlier, which would be perfect. Or wait a minute. It -- with the time change, I could be alive for six hours in New York but dead three hours in Paris. I could get things done, and I could also be dead."

Philosophical, Death, Planning, Existence, Irony

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"I'm going to kill myself. I should go to Paris and jump off the Eiffel Tower. I'll be dead. you know, in fact, if I get the Concorde, I could be dead three hours earlier, which would be perfect. Or wait a minute. It -- with the time change, I could be alive for six hours in New York but dead three hours in Paris. I could get things done, and I could also be dead."

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"The real you is not you, the real you is what is within you. What is behind your joy or your melancholy. What gives you the reason to ponder. What moves or stops you. What makes you you is you."

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"The real trouble with reality is that there is no background music."

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"No one is absolutely free from religion and philosophy, for the life we live is always under the influence of religion and philosophy!"

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"Life is less a burden without an absolute quest for material possessions."

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Exlpore more Philosophical quotes

"When your emotions are in motion, take a break and ponder!"

"The real you is not you, the real you is what is within you. What is behind your joy or your melancholy. What gives you the reason to ponder. What moves or stops you. What makes you you is you."

"If you want to know the real character of man, intentionally and timely give him the test of 3d's; delay, denial and disappointment."

"Sometimes the only way to win is not to play the game."

"The real trouble with reality is that there is no background music."

"The long arm of coincidence."

"Family: a foundation! Family: a 'cloth' keeps the 'body'!"

"The greatest clue to changing people is to know and understand what trigger change in people and effectively apply such things in wisdom."

"No one is absolutely free from religion and philosophy, for the life we live is always under the influence of religion and philosophy!"

"Life is less a burden without an absolute quest for material possessions."

Explore more quotes by Woody Allen

"Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down."

"Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable."

"Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage."

"I am going to give my psychoanalyst one more year then I'm going to Lourdes."

"Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it."

"Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once."

"The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small."

"I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch."

"I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox."

"My one regret in life is that I am not someone else."