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"Sometimes absurd logic can be amusing and heart-touching."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Alimony: the cash surrender value of a husband."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Beware of giggle grins, they are highly contagious."
Author Name
Personal Development
"When I reprimanded my son for hair like Michael Jackson he said: "I don't see the problem you wear yours like Michael Jordan.""
Author Name
Personal Development
"God alert!" Blackjack yelled. "It's the wine dude!Mr. D sighed in exasperation. "The next person, or horse, who calls me the 'wine dude' will end up in a bottle of Merlot!"
Author Name
Personal Development
"Probably went swimming and got eaten by a pineapple."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Monkeys who very sensibly refrain from speech, lest they should be set to earn their livings."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Igor?' said Moist. 'You have an Igor?'Oh, yes,' said Hubert. 'That's how I get this wonderful light. They know the secret of storing lightning in jars! But don't let that worry you, Mr Lipspick. Just because I'm employing an Igor and working in a cellar doesn't mean I'm some sort of madman, ha ha ha!'Ha ha,' agreed Moist.Ha hah hah!,' said Hubert. 'Hahahahahaha!! Ahahahahahahhhhh!!!!!-'Bent slapped him on the back. Hubert coughed.Sorry about that, it's the air down here,' he mumbled."
Author Name
Personal Development
"This was beyond a joke. This had moved beyond foolishness, slipped over the line into genuine 24 karat Jesus-Christ-I-fucked-up-bigtime territory."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Some kid asked what a dilemma is. And I replied: When a starving man has to choose between a plate of food, and, a roll of toilet paper."
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Personal Development
More
"I would like to do a part that would stretch me. In America it seems to me that you just take your clothes off and that helps, but I wouldn't want to do that."
America
"If I like myself at this weight, then this is what I'm going to be. I don't have an eating disorder."
Disorder
"I don't think I'm too thin at all. I understand when people say, 'Well your face gets gaunt,' but to get your bottom half to be the right size, your face might have to be a little gaunt. You choose your battles."
People
"I don't have time for superficial friends. I suppose if you're really lonely you can call a superficial friend, but otherwise, what's the point?"
Time
"I'm a gemini, and I get so bored so easily. I mean, I have moved six times in the last eight years."
Years
"Always a godmother, never a mother. That sucks. I've got to get me one of those little accessories."
Mother
"I don't want to feel I'm responsible for anorexia across the country."
Country
"I'm at peace with myself and where I am. In the past, I was always looking to see how everybody else was doing. I wasn't competitive, I was comparative. I just wanted to be where everybody else was. Now I've gotten to an age when I am not comparing anymore."
Age
"A lot of my humor does come from anger. It's like, you're not gonna pull one over on me - which is pretty much my motto anyways."
Humor
"I'm not going to deny it. I'm a neat person, there's no question. But I don't become obsessed with it."
Question
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