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"I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!' Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself."
Day,
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"Planned obsolescence is not really a new concept. God used it with people."
God
"Washington is a place where politicians don't know which way is up and taxes don't know which way is down."
Politicians
"In prehistoric times, mankind often had only two choices in crisis situations: fight or flee. In modern times, humor offers us a third alternative; fight, flee - or laugh."
Humor
"If you can laugh together, you can work together."
Work
"Every speaker has a mouth; An arrangement rather neat. Sometimes it's filled with wisdom. Sometimes it's filled with feet."
Wisdom
"Quit worrying about your health. It will go away."
Health
"Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not true. Some of the smaller countries are neutral."
Country
"Don't think of it as failure. Think of it as time-released success."
Success
"To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so."
Blame
"Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian."
State
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"Prayer: the key of the day and the lock of the night."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Let us develop the resources of our land, call forth its powers, build up its institutions, promote all its great interests, and see whether we also, in our day and generation, may not perform something worthy to be remembered."
Author Name
Personal Development
"To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man."
Author Name
Personal Development
"So let's be honest with ourselves and not take ourselves too serious, and never condemn the other fellow for doing what we are doing every day, only in a different way."
Author Name
Personal Development
"There ought to be one day - just one - when there is open season on senators."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Better one's House be too little one day than too big all the Year after."
Author Name
Personal Development
"A cold atheistical materialism is the tendency of the so-called material philosophy of the present day."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Every day, I have a most embarrassing moment."
Author Name
Personal Development
"No charges have been filed by the L.A. district attorney's office, and for that I am appreciative. I have said it before, but we all make mistakes, and the day will come soon enough where you no longer read of mine in the tabloids."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Miserable is a good thing, though. If you start the day miserable, nobody else can screw up your day."
Author Name
Personal Development
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