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"Often it does seem such a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat."
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"Certainly it constitutes bad news when the people who agree with you are buggier than batshit."
"I think this goes more to the idea of 'relentless irony' than 'divine providence."
"It is only because of their stupidity that they are able to be so sure of themselves."
"People who always arrive early aren't worth waiting for."
"Don't underestimate the value of irony-it is extremely valuable."
"Her smile, which was her pretty feature, was never so pretty as when her sprightly phrase had a scratch lurking in it."
"I always think it's funny when Indians celebrate Thanksgiving. I mean, sure, the Indians and Pilgrims were best friends during the first Thanksgiving, but a few years later, the Pilgrims were shooting Indians.So I'm never quite sure why we eat turkey like everybody else."
"Bless you with the curse to remain busy always."
Explore more quotes by Mark Twain
"The most interesting information comes from children, for they tell all they know and then stop."
"Hain't we got all the fools in town on our side? And ain't that a big enough majority for any town?"
"The air up there in the clouds is very pure and fine, bracing and delicious. And why shouldn't it be?--it is the same the angels breathe."
"In Paris they simply stared when I spoke to them in French I never did succeed in making those idiots understand their own language."
"Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do. Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do."
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