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Rita Rudner

"I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult."

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"I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult."

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Amber Hurdle

"Asthma doesn't seem to bother me any more unless I'm around cigars or dogs. The thing that would bother me most would be a dog smoking a cigar."

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Amber Hurdle

"Dogs got personality. Personality goes a long way."

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Amber Hurdle

"We have a couple of dogs, but I wouldn't describe myself as an animal person."

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Amber Hurdle

"If you live among dogs, keep a stick. After all, this is what a hound has teeth for-to bite when he feels like it!"

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Amber Hurdle

"There are two things that won't last long in this world, and that's dogs chasing cars and pros putting for pars."

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Amber Hurdle

"Cat: a pygmy lion who loves mice, hates dogs, and patronizes human beings."

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Amber Hurdle

"If dogs could talk it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one."

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Amber Hurdle

"Dogs laugh, but they laugh with their tails."

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Amber Hurdle

"The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast."

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Amber Hurdle

"Dogs and philosophers do the greatest good and get the fewest rewards."

Explore more quotes by Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
"To attract men, I wear a perfume called "New Car Interior.""
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Rita Rudner
"I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn't mine."
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Rita Rudner
"Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them."
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Rita Rudner
"The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down."
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Rita Rudner
"My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives."
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Rita Rudner
"I don't plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet."
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Rita Rudner
"I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry."
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Rita Rudner
"Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?"
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Rita Rudner
"Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in."
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Rita Rudner
"Whenever I date a guy, I think, 'Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?'"
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