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Rita Rudner

"I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult."

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"I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult."

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Akiroq Brost

"Journalists are like dogs, when ever anything moves they begin to bark."

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Akiroq Brost

"The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast."

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Akiroq Brost

"I don't have pets, I have two guard dogs; and I don't do my own shopping; it's a security thing."

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Akiroq Brost

"I have four dogs, four horses, a cat, and a bunch of wild frogs."

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Akiroq Brost

"Any man who does not like dogs and want them about does not deserve to be in the White House."

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Akiroq Brost

"Sometimes you have to understand that you push ahead, there's going to be a lot of flak, there's going to be a lot of dogs barking, but the wagon train moves ahead."

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Akiroq Brost

"I am from Brooklyn, NY, so we could not have many pets, but I always had at least two dogs."

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Akiroq Brost

"I just couldn't live without dogs."

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Akiroq Brost

"We had five goats, two dogs, a cat and racks of commentaries on Shakespeare."

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Akiroq Brost

"My feet are dogs."

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Rita Rudner
"I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn't mine."
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Rita Rudner
"I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry."
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Rita Rudner
"Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it's quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid."
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Rita Rudner
"Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?"
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Rita Rudner
"Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times."
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Rita Rudner
"Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy, the first question I ask myself is: is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?"
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Rita Rudner
"To attract men, I wear a perfume called "New Car Interior.""
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Rita Rudner
"I don't plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet."
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Rita Rudner
"A man will go to war, fight and die for his country. But he won't get a bikini wax."
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Rita Rudner
"Most turkeys taste better the day after, my mother's tasted better the day before."
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