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"I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that."
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Exlpore more Girlfriend quotes
"Getting plenty of sleep is always great. It really is. I have a girlfriend who's sending me a slant board."
"When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, "Did you sleep good?" I said "No, I made a few mistakes.""
"Personally, I don't like a girlfriend to have a husband. If she'll fool her husband, I figure she'll fool me."
"My bed isn't made, I'm tired, I haven't slept well for two weeks. I haven't been laid in a month. I don't have a girlfriend. I have a warrant for my arrest."
"Our fans want us to be happy and if that means being married or having a girlfriend, they are okay with that. Of course, in this industry it is a bit harder to have normal relationships, but it is possible."
"My girlfriend bought me a down jacket, she said it fit my personality."
"You know when I feel inwardly beautiful? When I am with my girlfriends and we are having a 'goddess circle'."
"Because I have a girlfriend, I try and take the straight and narrow path, which is good because it prevents VD."
"We're getting ready to take over the world. My group of girlfriends - we're renegades."
Explore more quotes by Mitch Hedberg
"I like refried beans. That's why I wanna try fried beans, because maybe they're just as good and we're just wasting time. You don't have to fry them again after all."
"I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle."
"Y'know, you can't please all the people all the time... and last night, all those people were at my show."
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