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"I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that."
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Exlpore more Girlfriend quotes

"If you don't have a valentine, hang out with your girlfriends, don't go looking for someone. When it's right, they'll come to you."

"Our fans want us to be happy and if that means being married or having a girlfriend, they are okay with that. Of course, in this industry it is a bit harder to have normal relationships, but it is possible."

"On-screen relationships are the best because you don't have to worry about saying the wrong things. And if the guy's got a girlfriend, or I'm not attracted to him, it's even better. It's just my character kissing his character."

"It's weird, I never wish anything bad upon anybody, except two or three old girlfriends."

"I couldn't feel good about myself hanging out in Armani clothes when my girlfriend can't even pay her heating bill. I'd feel foul and I'd be embarrassed."

"I think the reason I don't read is because, when I'm reading, I feel like I'm missing out on something else. You know, What are my friends doing? Where's my girlfriend?"

"I have 20,000 girlfriends, all around the world."

"My bed isn't made, I'm tired, I haven't slept well for two weeks. I haven't been laid in a month. I don't have a girlfriend. I have a warrant for my arrest."

"If you've got Mystique as your girlfriend the fun you could have in bed - I've just imagined X-Men 3 might open with me in bed with Patrick Stewart."
Explore more quotes by Mitch Hedberg

"Y'know, you can't please all the people all the time... and last night, all those people were at my show."

"Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8? That joke came off the top of my head, and the top of my head ain't funny!"

"I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later."

"I like refried beans. That's why I wanna try fried beans, because maybe they're just as good and we're just wasting time. You don't have to fry them again after all."
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