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"I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that."
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"My girlfriend and I rented a nice house on the river and I was there for about two and a half months, and we were just out of Alabama. I hardly got to see Alabama."
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Personal Development
"On-screen relationships are the best because you don't have to worry about saying the wrong things. And if the guy's got a girlfriend, or I'm not attracted to him, it's even better. It's just my character kissing his character."
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Personal Development
"If you don't have a valentine, hang out with your girlfriends, don't go looking for someone. When it's right, they'll come to you."
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Personal Development
"Because I have a girlfriend, I try and take the straight and narrow path, which is good because it prevents VD."
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Personal Development
"My girlfriend has crabs, I bought her fishnet stockings."
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Personal Development
"When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, "Did you sleep good?" I said "No, I made a few mistakes.""
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Personal Development
"Directors are never in short supply of girlfriends."
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Personal Development
"Our fans want us to be happy and if that means being married or having a girlfriend, they are okay with that. Of course, in this industry it is a bit harder to have normal relationships, but it is possible."
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Personal Development
"Personally, I don't like a girlfriend to have a husband. If she'll fool her husband, I figure she'll fool me."
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Personal Development
"Steadman! Any guy that's got Oprah as a girlfriend, I mean that's a good dude. I want to talk to him."
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"Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8? That joke came off the top of my head, and the top of my head ain't funny!"
Wrong
"I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality."
Work
"Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!"
Children
"I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific."
Night
"I'd like to get four people who do cart wheels very good, and make a cart."
People
"I love blackjack. But I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi circle."
Love
"I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down."
Cause
"Y'know, you can't please all the people all the time... and last night, all those people were at my show."
Time
"Dogs are forever in the push up postion."
Dogs
"I'm a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone's life."
Life
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