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"I think you can tell the human condition better through comedy."
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"I had to stop myself from laughing. Who needs help taking a pill?"

"He's a love-'em-and-leave-'em kind of guy. And though he's not a Lord, he does have a curse hanging over his head. I have the book to prove it.William growled low in his throat. "Anya! Must you share my secrets with everyone? He flattened his palms on the arms of his chair. "Fine. If you can spill, I can, too. Anya's the reason the Titanic sank. She was playing chicken with the icebergs.Scowling, Anya anchored her hands on her hips. "William had a bronze made of his penis and placed it on his mantel."

"The real reason for comedy is to hide the pain."

"She's got feet like boats, whiskers like an American, and her undies are filthy."

"Are you out of your goddamn mind? You think we can take on two hundred soldiers? I know I am an extremely attractive man, J, but I am not Bruce Lee."Who's Bruce Lee?"Who's Bruce Lee? Kenji asks, horrified. "Oh my God. We can't even be friends anymore."Why? Was he a friend of yours?"You know what, he says, "just stop. Just-I can't even talk to you right now."

"Uh-oh, I hope he doesn't start rattling off dirty limericks next; she'll probably burn the hotel down."

"I glanced at Derek. The boy wonder didn't melt into a pile of goo, although his gaze was glued to Rowena's chest. Avoiding eye contact. Good strategy."
Explore more quotes by Hector Elizondo

"You can trust a Neil Simon script. Every dot. Every dash; that pause means something. He takes all the jokes out, practically."

"I started in 1946 in radio. I was ten years old. I was discovered singing in a school play. Someone was in the audience and it's six degrees of separation."

"I used to work, part time, in a deli, in those days when your parents made you work just so you should know what work was like. And you'd make 4, 5, 6, ten dollars."

"I love the fact that it starts from there, and you don't know where it's gonna go. Wait long enough - love will find you. Everything's a surprise. When you think you've got it all figured out... as Emerson said, the dice of God are always loaded."
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