"Excellent, there's nothing quite like a blunt object to reinforce proper administration ethics."

Humor, Ethics, Nothing

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"Excellent, there's nothing quite like a blunt object to reinforce proper administration ethics."

Exlpore more Humor quotes

"Alimony: the cash surrender value of a husband."

Anonymous, Unknown Unknown

Humor, Alimony, Husband, Money, Law

"Beware of giggle grins, they are highly contagious."

Richelle E. Goodrich, American Poet

Humor, Happiness, Truth, Wisdom

"When I reprimanded my son for hair like Michael Jackson he said: "I don't see the problem you wear yours like Michael Jordan.""

Anonymous, Unknown Unknown

Humor, Hair, Identity, Funny

"God alert!" Blackjack yelled. "It's the wine dude!Mr. D sighed in exasperation. "The next person, or horse, who calls me the 'wine dude' will end up in a bottle of Merlot!"

Rick Riordan, American Novelist

Humor, Truth, Wisdom, Power

"Probably went swimming and got eaten by a pineapple."

Terry Pratchett, English Author

Humor, Absurdity, Disappearance, Bizarre

"Monkeys who very sensibly refrain from speech, lest they should be set to earn their livings."

Kenneth Grahame, Scottish Novelist

Humor, Speech

"Igor?' said Moist. 'You have an Igor?'Oh, yes,' said Hubert. 'That's how I get this wonderful light. They know the secret of storing lightning in jars! But don't let that worry you, Mr Lipspick. Just because I'm employing an Igor and working in a cellar doesn't mean I'm some sort of madman, ha ha ha!'Ha ha,' agreed Moist.Ha hah hah!,' said Hubert. 'Hahahahahaha!! Ahahahahahahhhhh!!!!!-'Bent slapped him on the back. Hubert coughed.Sorry about that, it's the air down here,' he mumbled."

Terry Pratchett, English Author

Humor, Madness, Science

"This was beyond a joke. This had moved beyond foolishness, slipped over the line into genuine 24 karat Jesus-Christ-I-fucked-up-bigtime territory."

Neil Gaiman, British Author

Humor, Mistake, Fallibility, Regret

"Some kid asked what a dilemma is. And I replied: When a starving man has to choose between a plate of food, and, a roll of toilet paper."

Mokokoma Mokhonoana, South African Philosopher

Humor, Poverty, Hunger, Choice, Necessity

"I never liked being a salesman. . . . Ever since I got my first two orders: Get out! and Stay out!"

Anonymous, Unknown Unknown

Humor, Rejection, Work, Job

Explore more quotes by Simon Travaglia

"The greatest barrier to someone achieving their potential is their denial of it."

Potential

"The problem I have with making an intelligent statement is that some people then think it's not an isolated occurrence."

People

"Of all the things I could know, my own faults and weaknesses are pretty much the most important."

Mistake

"Names are what people sometimes use to excuse their thoughts and actions towards you."

People

"Allowing yourself to smile takes 99% of the effort."

Effort

"What I think we fear is rapid, pronounced, and uncontrollable changes to ourselves, and because of this we have a form of personality inertia - something that resists rapid change."

Change

"There's no such thing as 'facts of life'. Only standing theories that haven't been disproved as of yet."

Life

"Being able to write an idea down succinctly doesn't make that idea any better than one which rambles on a bit. It just comes to the point sooner."

Creativity

"Death is inevitable, but Life - that's the tricky bit where things happen."

Death

"It's good to follow the path of personal happiness to some extent. People tend to get upset however when you drive a steamroller down it."

Happiness