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"Excellent, there's nothing quite like a blunt object to reinforce proper administration ethics."
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"The real satire starts when I'm shockingly mocked,not mockingly shocked."
"CHARTERIS [unfolding his arms in terror] No, please. Dont. As a philosopher, it's my business to tell other people the truth; but it's not their business to tell it to me. I dont like it: it hurts."
"How was I supposed to know 'lucked out' means 'I got screwed over' in Australian?"
"I believe the phrase you're looking for is 'too much money and not enough things to spend it on."
"Where did you find that one?''I have no idea. I'm a magnet for crazies, I guess.''They must be able to sense a kindred spirit.''Your one to talk. Don't you have more hordes of the undead to lead in a glorious revolution?''Zombies not undead. There's a fine distinction. And no. Right now I'm scouting new talent. The glorious revolution comes tomorrow."
"I realized women and humor were linked very closely."
"A good joke doesn't necessarily need appreciation from others. One can freely laugh at one's own deserving jokes."
"Vampires. Honestly, they're like children sometimes."
Explore more quotes by Simon Travaglia
"Of all the things I could know, my own faults and weaknesses are pretty much the most important."
"There's no such thing as 'facts of life'. Only standing theories that haven't been disproved as of yet."
"It would absolutely suck if you paid a few bucks for a book only to find that on the first page it said, 'Once upon a time they all lived happily ever after' and the rest of the book was blank."
"The problem I have with making an intelligent statement is that some people then think it's not an isolated occurrence."
"It's good to follow the path of personal happiness to some extent. People tend to get upset however when you drive a steamroller down it."
"Being able to write an idea down succinctly doesn't make that idea any better than one which rambles on a bit. It just comes to the point sooner."
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