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"Fair play is all well and good. But knowing how to kick 'em in the balls can get you out of a jam 9 times out of 10."
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"Her philosophy was, if it had a pulse, it could be killed. I didn't really have a philosophy, but I could see how talking with the school director would be difficult for her. If he said something she didn't like, chopping him to tiny pieces wouldn't exactly help me get into the school."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Fair play is all well and good. But knowing how to kick 'em in the balls can get you out of a jam 9 times out of 10."
Author Name
Personal Development
"High towers, and metaphysically-great men resembling them, round both of which there is commonly much wind, are not for me. My place is the fruitful bathos, the bottom-land, of experience; and the word transcendental, does not signify something passing beyond all experience, but something that indeed precedes it a priori, but that is intended simply to make cognition of experience possible."
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Personal Development
"The really essential factors of success in any undertaking are money and opportunity, and as a rule, the man who can make the first can make the second."
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Personal Development
"You're just a huge romantic at heart, aren't you?""If there's cash involved, I'm anything you want me to be."
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Personal Development
"Grub first, then ethics."
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Personal Development
"Idealism that makes no distinction between areas where our national interest lies and those from which it is remote does no good for America. The weariness of the post-Versailles, post-Korea, post-Vietnam eras is never far from the national mood."
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Personal Development
"Over a lifetime of dealing with difficult women, I have learned it is often better to give into their demands immediately."
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Personal Development
"Politics is a necessary evil, or a necessary annoyance, a necessary conundrum."
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Personal Development
"Medical researchers don't know much about head lice because they don't much care. The reason that they don't much care is, paradoxically, that they know a lot. That is, they know one important thing: there is no evidence that head lice transmit disease."
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Personal Development
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"You're gonna sit down. You're gonna shut up. And by the grace of God Almighty, I ain't gonna kill you."
Authority
"In the movie business, the ones we call Lucky are usually those idiots who are just too damn stubborn to take no for an answer. Come to think of it, the movie business is kind of like life."
Persistence
"Maybe knowledge is power, but it's damned hard to think a burglar to death."
Knowledge
"I'd trade every last one of you for a moment's peace and a dog that didn't P on the carpet."
Peace
"Dating is like nightfall--there's got to be a mourning after."
Heartbreak
"Trust is important to any relationship and easier to come by if you get a picture of a guy's wife buck naked."
Trust
"Old-age sucks, but the alternative doesn't look that great, either."
Aging
"The theory of relativity doesn't amount to a hill of beans when there's a bonfire in your shorts."
Perspective
"You don't need to be smarter, you just need dumber friends."
Humor
"Apparently it takes, like, forty-seven muscles to frown. Flippin' the bird' s a hell of a lot easier."
Humor
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