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"You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar."
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"I never felt that getting angry would do you any good other than hurt your own digestion, keep you from eating, which I liked to do."
"I prefer the Chinese method of eating. You can do anything at the table except arm wrestle."
"I am the one who got myself fat, who did all the eating. So I had to take full responsibility for it."
"And it's tough traveling. You know, the hotels and the airports and all that. That part, eating and getting around to the hotel room and then going on."
"Lunch kills half of Paris, supper the other half."
"Zac Efron would make us feel guilty for eating big dinners. He'd say, "Do you really want to eat those carbs?" It was like, "Thanks a lot!""
"I don't believe you have to have eating disorders and mental illness to screw up."
"Dinner was made for eating, not for talking."
Explore more quotes by George Carlin
"I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose... it'll be much harder to detect."
"He - and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he, because no woman could or would ever fuck things up this badly."
"Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?"
"This is a lttle prayer dedicated to the separation of church and state. I guess if they are going to force those kids to pray in schools they might as well have a nice prayer like this: Our Father who art in heaven, and to the republic for which it stands, thy kingdom come, one nation indivisible as in heaven, give us this day as we forgive those who so proudly we hail. Crown thy good into temptation but deliver us from the twilight's last gleaming. Amen and Awomen."
"When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. I'm sure it made the work seem that much more urgent."
"And off we go, out onto the highway looking for a little fun. Perhaps a flatbed truck loaded with human cadavers will explode in front of a Star Trek reunion. One can only dream and hope."
"I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. And apparently I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions."
"When someone is impatient and says, "I haven't got all day," I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?"
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